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I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About (www.mcsweeneys.net)

submitted 2 months ago by geekwithsoul@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

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I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

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[–] frauddogg@hexbear.net 23 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

The better parts of you clearly soaked into the mattress on the night of your conception. You physically disgust me, in every way, you smug fuck. What galls me is I went to the effort of finding evidence from a rag somebody like you would read, and all you've got is soulless redditorisms.

I eagerly await the fall of your society.

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Do you need a hug? It sounds like you need a hug.

And jokes on you, I was conceived in the backseat of a car. Don't you feel foolish now?

[–] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 26 points 2 months ago

Do you need a hug? It sounds like you need a hug.

Once again, Everyone That Disagrees With You Must Have Emotional Problems/Trauma And That Makes Them Wrong And Unworthy, a bedtime story for scratched liberals.

[–] frauddogg@hexbear.net 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Die screaming, thanks. I don't even have anything pithy for this, I just pray for the absolute worst for you, and everybody like you.

[–] geekwithsoul@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

Okay. See ya!