Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
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My friend just sent me a decade old photo of myself when I had a huge beard. Just wearing swim shorts. I'm having complicated feelings.
Like, idk... I'm handsome, but it's okay to think you're handsome and still want to transition. Sometimes feels like I'm fucking something up.
I mean, I look at recent photos of me in makeup/dresses, and I'm still handsome/pretty, but... Idk, it would've just been easier I guess.
Also I had super hairy legs. REALLY glad those are gone. I had actually forgotten what they looked like lol
idk, i'd rather feel like i looked vaguely attractive before transition instead of the most fucked up "man" alive. old pictures of myself still hurt to look at though, i get you
Idk, I think I diverge from the typical trans experience here. I feel guilty because it doesn't hurt ENOUGH.
Like, I look happy? I was happy. I don't look back at old photos of me and think, "god, how fucking miserable that person is. He's in the wrong body"
Idk I'm complicated. Then again, transition for me has always been more about chasing euphoria rather than running away from dysphoria, so...
I often feel like I'm making changes mostly because of "idk that sounds kinda neat. I should try it" rather than dysphoria or euphoria.
Like, I know if I *think *about it more that there's more to it than that for me. But its not how I feel. Wish we as a society were to the point where that feeling was generally considered good enough, so we didn't have to go through imposter feelings.