I need some impartial third party advice.
I told my mom the other day that she clearly doesn't love or care about me because of the way she voted. I don't believe she can both love her trans daughter while simultaneously willingly inflicting as much suffering as possible.
I decided to block her for a few days.
My aunt, who also hated Trump, is someone I could previously confide in. She cold shouldered me after I sent her the text I had previously sent to my mom.
Finally my aunt was an adult and texted me back last night with this.
"Thought would not have any effect. Didn’t like text you sent your mom. U R on my naughty list was not nice, u owe her an apology. Election wasn’t close decisive across country broke blue wall. Like it or not will be our president next 4yrs be an adult accept & move on!! U take too personal & how it impacts you. We all have choices/decisions it’s about Respect can’t expect others to respect yours if you can’t extend the same courtesy to others. No idea what u r talking about lying never questioned or said you were on job search, good luck with that. I’m taking a long break, disappointed have my own health/medical issues to address so focusing on that & me now. Happy Thanksgiving"
Now this is a person who texted me constantly about what a "pig fucker" Trump is, then she went radio silent a week before the election. When I inquired about the post election results she said "the world isn't ready for a woman president so I didn't even vote." I have a strong feeling she actually voted for Trump and couldn't stomach telling me that to save face.
Anyways- so I did call my mom and try to apologize against my better judgement. She didn't answer so I left a voicemail. Basically I said I'm sorry I reacted that way, and I'm under a lot of stress.
She hasn't replied in text or called back continuing to cold shoulder me essentially throwing my apology in my face.
Now I'm furious. My sister cut my mom out for months because my parents wouldn't send her money for college. The second she called them back they took her in with open arms as if nothing ever happened. They never treat me that way. Brittany is the golden child of my mom and my stepdad (her current husband). The standards are entirely different for my sister and I. I've always been treated worse.
Based on this limited view of my family what should I do? I'm thinking about rescinding my apology and just cutting them out forever. To me it seems clear they don't actually care about me at all.
When I was hospitalized for three days from my bike accident my mom never came to see me. She's a 9 hour drive away. When I had my highly invasive SRS she never called to check on me when I was recovering in the hospital. She actively hated the fact I was even doing it telling me "I'll never look right."
Pretty sure she's an objectively awful human being.
Family is usually everywhere in your life. Not everywhere-everywhere, but everywhere for you. The ways it's fucked up aren't obvious from that perspective because there's no contrast from inside the system.
Your aunt is displaying a pretty gross and spineless "genes over well-being" attitude present in a lot of families. It can be very useful for getting through lesser hard times together, but it's poison when used to excuse treachery.
It gets used to excuse treachery like your aunt did because not excusing it implies seeing how awful it is, and the realization could break her conception of the family, which could break her. While your aunt's words are dumb as fucking bricks, the thing to picture here is her nervously texting you, trying to cobble together some victim blaming horseshit as a way of not having to make eye contact with the Madness Demon staring at her from across the room.
A lot of what gets labeled as (and is) "complicity with evil" is fueled by this. People blame victims because they don't have the strength to see that the victim is actually just in that bad of a situation. They can't handle the heartbreak of seeing it, or the fear that it could happen to them. So they blame you because that means (it doesn't but they tell themselves) you could have done something to prevent your own awful situation, and by extension, so can they. Your crappy situation dispels their illusion of control; victim blaming scotch-tapes it back together. They don't see that they'd be safe without it; they think if that illusion of control goes, the universe ends. They're scared. Very tense, no way to live.
I don't have advice, I can just tell you for sure that you'll see this much more clearly, if not more simply, with distance, by seeing the family system from the outside. But that does mean leaving the family in some sense, which isn't for everybody. So maybe reading this can give you some sense of what your own eyes would probably tell you if you could get the angle on it you needed to verify it yourself.