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Been dealing with depression lately. Anyone else feel like there's just...nothing for them? Anywhere? (hexbear.net)

submitted 10 hours ago by corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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No job prospects. The work I do to support myself is come and go, and im probably gonna miss rent again. The older I get, the less friends it seems I have. None of my hobbies/passions excite me right now and just feel like a pain in the dick when I think about doing them. Every day is the same goddamn routine unless I go stay at my partners place.

It's cold and I hate going out in the cold, so that just compounds stuff further. Everything is dead outside. I'm tired, im always so tired. I can never get enough sleep no matter how much I actually get.

Feels like I'm just existing and I hate it.

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[–] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 6 points 6 hours ago

Yeah I'm gonna take this opportunity to trauma dump a bit. Put it behind a CW, I get pretty dark but I really felt like typing this out, especially after I had a really awful day at work today.

spoiler

I've always had issues with depression but this is the first time in my life I've felt really materially hopeless. Like I straight up don't really see my life getting better at all, at best it will remain about as good as it is now which I'm not enjoying, if it gets worse I don't know how I'll handle it.

I'm in my mid-30s and still working retail and it's getting more and more stressful each year. I'm a stupid fuck up but finally got my shit together and decided to go back to school for something actually valuable, but now the job market is fucked and it's only going to get worse so I've just accepted this master's I'm getting is going to be worthless. I'm just stuck in this and need to accept it. Also I've given up on relationships. I don't like saying this because I feel like it comes off as kinda incel-ish, but I'm a cis, mostly hetero man and I feel like there just not much romantic opportunity for me anymore, at least as a 30 year old. Women are, totally justifiably, fed up with men, I'm frankly fed up with men. I think it's totally right that many of them want nothing to do with us, but it does leave me single.

Ironically I'm actually less doomer about the world at large, I have some hope for humanity, but I think it's over for the corner I occupy. I just see things getting worse. I really wish I could just get enough money to buy a cabin in the woods and be alone, away from all the noise and stress, but I don't have the resources even for that.

I quit drinking recently, but I think I'm going to start again. I enjoy it, it's fun, and I don't see the point in not. It was hurting my health but I don't care that much about my health anymore and just want to enjoy what I can. I don't intent on actually harming myself, that would hurt my family, but I'm not really going to take care of myself beyond that anymore.