this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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My wife and I flirt like crazy when we cook together. Food and cooking is something we love and have a blast doing it together. Sad when others can't enjoy something so basic.
Not everyone enjoys cooking..with or without their SO. Perfectly fine and not necessarily "sad" imo.
I get your point, but I also understand their perspective. Cooking is something they very much enjoy. The prospect that they might miss out on it, if their SO didn't enjoy it makes them sad.
That is OK, but of course it cannot be generalized. So it is not generally sad, if someone does not enjoy it.
I also enjoy cooking and I feel like it's good, if you do, because you gotta eat something, might as well enjoy the process of making it 😅
Agreed. I cook for myself and am actually pretty good at it and like the results but I fucking hate actually doing it and having someone else there just makes it worse. If you want to help do the dishes.
If I could find frozen shit that actually let me hit my macros I'd go back to that in a heartbeat. Hell if they made dog food for people I'd just carry a bag of that shit around all day.
I'm working on teaching the significant how to cook... It's difficult at times because he thinks I'm being overbearing at times when, no, if you do it that way you risk slicing your fingers off. Please, you worry me
As someone who has been on the other end of this: He's not three years old. He has lived a long time without slicing his fingers off. Give him space for his own trial and error. It's quite possible that you don't know the best way to do every thing, and you might even learn something new. We learn by experimenting.
I ended up feeling that my SO had no trust in me and that there was no freedom to do anything my way, which took all the fun out of it. I'm divorced and hate cooking now.
But also he's never cooked before, so genuinely doesn't know how to not be unsafe doing certain things. For example, he was using the tip of the blade to cut things with his fingers splayed out everywhichway. Sorry but I'm going to show him how to be safe. It's difficult to let him go through "trial and error" when "error" means a trip to the er
I realize you are concerned about safety, but nearly everybody in the world does fine on their own without the help of a partner to rescue them from cutting their fingers off. If you don't trust your partner to navigate some risk you are infantilizing him and undermining his feeling that you trust him. It can cause long-term damage to your relationship.
If you need to guide him, try to give praise when he does things right. It will likely be more effective and less damaging.
I don't know how you've seen nobody in the world that has cut their fingers or their hand while using a knife. There are millions of people who use dull knives because they believe they're safer. Just because you haven't hurt yourself yet doesn't mean you're not introducing unnecessary risk. I've helped two or three people learn how to cook, and all of them have come millimeters from slicing the tips of their fingers off at one point or another by pressing down on a knife with their fingers curled under the tip. I keep my knives deadly sharp, so a slip is a lost finger. You may not even realize you've cut yourself. As long as you're using them properly, they're safer.
Sure, you may go a decade or two with unsafe knife practices and be totally fine. Survivorship bias is a hell of a drug, though.
I trust him to be competent in things he's knowledgeable on, but for things he's rarely done I'll offer assistance if I know a bit more, and I expect the same from him. There's zero shame in not knowing how to do something. I WANT to be corrected when I'm wrong or being unsafe. I don't understand how anyone could want anything else.
I went thru something like this with an ex. What I did was just did it the proper way and she imitated it. That way it wasn't me telling her how to do something it was her looking at what I was doing and deciding I had the right idea. Stole (yes meta) this technique from the man who taught me basic cooking.
People naturally want to be competent and will emulate success. If you tell them that they are wrong they will dig in their heels. If you show them how to be right they will copy without losing face.
I try not to take over, just note how certain ways of doing things introduce unnecessary risk. If someone just copied something, they may take unsafe shortcuts later if they don't know why it's done a certain way
Good on you. It's not easy. Thank you for taking the time to do that.
This is us. We operate perfectly as a team and we each function as an extension of the others body. We just synchronize so flawlessly that we're basically dancing around each other in the kitchen.
I feel so fortunate to have finally found someone I mesh with this thoroughly, but I live in perpetual terror that she'll be taken from me suddenly or unexpectedly by accident or sickness.
That sounds great! My partner and I don't work as a team particularly well, but we really get each other, and being with them is just bliss. Due to circumstances I haven't been able to live with them for a few months and it is just unbearable sometimes, no idea what I would do if they were taken from me.
And then there's my wife who could probably find a way to burn Jell-O. Sigh.
We both like to cook and I think we do a good job of letting each other sort of lead a certain part of the meal or do dishes meanwhile if it's simple prep