this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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askchapo

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Can you comment on or add to this? Someone told me don't think in terms of "blame." To instead think "who/what caused this." (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by HexaSnoot@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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To not have the question of who's to blame hanging over every situation.

I grew up in a very abusive household. Where the question of "who's to dole out punishment on" was at the end of nearly every little situation. Looking back, it was excuses for authority figures to get violent over nonsense "blame/deserve/not deserve" rules. The liberal ideology of "This is just the way it is, and if it isn't, then it's X's fault and they deserve violence. Don't think about it, you dirty thinker. Critique of this system deserves violence." This zero thought produced harmful black and white thinking in me. It also led me to thinking I deserved endless violence and "that's just the way it is." They were always holding back being violent all the time or they let themselves go for it under what was actually their self-excusing system.

A good parent should teach you to ask "who/what caused this" and interrogate everything you can.

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[–] rhubarb@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago

In my experience, it is one of the first lessons you learn when doing any sort of project management. Seeking who is at fault is a toxic impulse you just have to ignore, it is almost never worth the damage it does to morale and the kind of behavior it encourages.