this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2024
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Ngl, I have trouble letting go of the mask when I get a peek behind it.
It's like any kind of adjustment, but when a person masks very well, it's a little tougher to not go "but you don't show it". I still have to consciously make the effort to not say it out loud, even after having a good bit of interaction with a wide range of autistic people over the last decade or so.
Do you think it possible for an autistic person to hyperfocus on interpersonal relationships so much that they become better at faking the game that is social interaction better than NTs?
Well, to an extent, yes.
The problem is that it isn't actually a game, and just thinking of it like one is going to color behaviors. You have to treat it more like a dance, where the steps are really complicated and ever moving, but do eventually have a pattern. That's why even NT folks sometimes think of life and social interactions as a game. They think that if you master those rules, everything will magically go right. With a dance what happens when you master it is you create something that wasn't there before.
But as far as being able to learn social skills without really "getting" why they are they way they are, heck yeah. That's part of what masking is to begin with. Most of my interaction with autistic people comes from sharing space with a support group.
Those folks have been learning constantly how to mimic NT speech and behaviors. Even the folks that aren't really functional in society get better at some aspects of social dynamics. The folks that already learned how to mask pick it up easier, but anyone that's able to have a conversation seems to be able to develop an understanding of what and how to do things to "get along" better with neurotypical people.
Some of that support group actively engage with the group I'm in, a chronic pain and disability group. They'll ask questions about how to, essentially, fake being NT.
But I don't think it's possible for anyone to really master it to the degree that they fake it better than reality. Not because of a lack of anything; it's because once you reach the degree that nobody can tell the difference, that's as good as it gets. Anyone that "passes" as the group they're mimicking has gotten as good as it gets.
Now, what you do see is an otherwise mentally healthy autistic person learning behaviors that make them seem better at social interactions than an unhealthy NT person. Which, I would argue that if it's a long term state of unhealthy thinking and behavior, it's a different kind of neurodivergence to begin with. Some of the folks thin the autism group I interact with cope extremely well, and handle social stuff way better than some of the chronic pain members of our group because enough pain fucks your ability to function on that level.