Not /j, /srs.
I was looking back over my posts, and that was my honest reaction. It's not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know. Friends don't let friends post cringe. In your own words, I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine, and that I should continue to do so, more, worse. Does that really seem like a good idea to you? Go look at those comments and say it to my face, fucker.
If you didn't, you are obligated to share with the class why you didn't offer even an ounce of dissent about it. There's a point past which politeness becomes condescending, and many months ago you could have saved everyone a ton of trouble, if you'd just said "this is terrible" or maybe even "lol cringe" at some point. It would have been mean, but it would have been less mean than sitting back and alllowing the high volumes of horror and embarrassment that ensued to happen. I mean, really.
If you disagree, I'd like to invite you to consider that you're wrong, and whoever gave me the ability to think and transcribe those thoughts with a keyboard has a lot to answer for. I looked at the megathreads today, and seeing people even partially attribute the 2500+ comment threads to my repulsive disaster posting is awful. There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.
the beauty of being
is that it could be all of them and i wouldn't know!
strong words for someone who is losing this duel. but seriously i think you're very hard on yourself; from my perspective i'd say you have good people skills and a terrible self-image. but i've seen enough of your interactions with people of brainworms to know that you have useful insights and convey them well. you can't always judge the success of interactions like that based on the immediate outcome. you wouldn't sow a seed and then call it a failure when it didn't immediately turn into a tree.
you'll honestly never know how much i appreciate you just for that one post alone. it was like a cipher key for understanding my partner's feelings. genuinely cannot overstate how big of a deal it was!
funny you should bring her up, i was going to make the explicit comparison earlier actually. i think about her fairly often. she's another one whose obvious love for something was infectious and a joy to see. i hope she's well. and i hope you are too, silly.
My entire being was made up
This is true, it's hard to reliably perceive anything so who fuckin knows, right?
I cannot judge the success of any interaction ever! Maybe thinking about it in terms of how it went is too goal-oriented again, talking to people is not slot machines after all. But any amount of ambiguity is the mind killer due to anxiety(and also autism), and will result in me awake at 4am turning conversations over in my head wondering how badly it went. Many rooms in my mindpalace are taken up by screaming about old exchanges. My nightmares, haunted by rejection sensitivity!
Even if I could keep going like that forever, (rawdogging that shit is soooo much fun) it would bite me in the ass eventually when someone I've upset without realising finally loses their shit at me.
yeah that's right i'm picking this back up days later, i've got that gold-tier subscription to social anxiety
(also you don't have to reply ofc, i just felt bad leaving you on read!)
i honestly think this is very normal. like you said it's hard to perceive anything reliably, doubly so when you're inside the thing you're trying to get a view of.
eh i think the main issue is that you can only get your view of how it went and only in that one moment. you never know when your words are running through someone's mind totally unbidden. imo it's fine to approach an interaction with a goal in mind, i just think it veers into harmful thinking territory if you feel like you've failed when you don't reach the goal in that interaction, you know?
In This House we adore that girl, wherever she is. and yeah, i've seen some of your subsequent posts. :< i'm sorry things are so rough in your life. i truly hope they improve soon.
also sorry if this was annoying or came off as preachy, i'm coming off the heels of a bad interaction (ironically? probably not) so i'm a little scatter-brained lol
Especially on the goofy forum, dw about it. I try not to "YOU LEFT ME ON READ" people, chats gotta end and on bearsite they're like, emphemeral Idk. People just move on, y'know.
I gotta get out of the thing
I wish I coild just be at peace with not perceiving anything. Alas...
Can you imagine the things I say living rent-free in anybody's head? Literally who??? Not possible lmao. Mostly when I go to yap, I have more of a specific idea in mind to yap about, like some idle thought about a gender thing bites at my mind for a week and then I yap. Yappist...
Should I... give my better half hardcore anxiety so I can fix mine?
I mean I'm glad it works but waow.
I wish I could just medicate this shit but sertraline, gabapentin, wellbutrin, tons of stuff that either didn't work or had side effects as ugly as what they were treating. Idk what I'll do longterm.
Hey some good things happened today so there's that =) as far as being scatter brained again don't worry about it, you're fine. I was like Rad, another message!