this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2025
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chapotraphouse

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It's the god damn hippos.

All we need to do is domesticate hippos

Have you seen a hippopotamus? No one fucks with a hippopotamus. They're the most dangerous animal in Africa. Their skulls are like a dinosaur fucked an alien. Look.

Hippos are also super brave. They will take on anyone, even animals armed with razor sharp claws and teeth. They will fuck.

You.

Up.

That last one was definitely a real photo. Hippos will bite you on the bum. Be careful.

If we harness this power, the capitalists won't stand a chance. You can't even nuke a hippo, they don't give a fuck. They'll eat that shit and keep going. Their blubber is like armour and they sweat sunscreen (look it up), so that radiation isn't even a problem.

They can swim. Imagine an army of these fuckers arriving on the shores of Florida, a whole army ready to go.

Best of all? They're vegetarians. That's right. They're vegan approved, baby.

Yum yum get that in your tum big guy.

So let's get to work, comrades. The future is hippo based communism.

Pictured: the future

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Quality post. Only thing is domesticating them for war would be exploitative. Instead, we must go to the hippos, teach them the immortal science of Marxism-Leninism, and beg them to help us as it is in their best interests to team up with us against global ecocidal capitalism before the ongoing capitalism-driven climate catastrophe kills them and us.