this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2025
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I'm genuinely confused as to what you think they're doing. Like, do you assume that they're just barging into situations where they aren't welcome? Are you assuming that they're not using the same tact and discretion that one would use to engage in polite conversation anywhere else? What does it being in another country or language change?
I get the feeling that you don't do much socializing outside of the internet, so I'll let you know that yes, it is entirely normal for people to have polite and unexpected conversation in public or wherever. People can choose to disengage if they feel like it. Nobody is being held verbally hostage here. Just because you have difficulty interacting with others and find it annoying when people talk to you doesn't mean that others feel the same way.
I just don't want to bother anyone. It'd be rude to interrupt someone while they're shopping, or on their phone, or walking their dog, or in line, or working, or basically anywhere you'll run into other people outside of proscribed social situations like clubs.
And clubs I get! Everyone is there to talk to other people, the whole point is to socialize. I'm not sure how you navigate those spaces without already having a group of local friends or already being fluent in the local language (seems dangerous) but I guess someone could go to another country and then start chatting people up in bars to learn. That doesn't sound like what was being discussed, though. It sounds like they're just bothering random people because they think everyone wants to be their friend.
I basically have no idea how a person moves to another country and just starts talking at other people.
The same way you talk to people in any new place you move to, regardless of if it's the same country, state, or even city.
I don't think that's what was being talked about at all. That said, that's not always a bad thing either! Sometimes it is ok to just go up to random people and talk to them. If they engage with you, then great, you have a conversation. If they don't, then you take a hint and walk away.
I apologize for making assumptions here, but I'm guessing that you're a) on the autism spectrum (so am I), and b) have social anxiety at least partly because of it (I definitely did). But, it's not always rude to just go up to someone and talk to them. Honestly, there are situations where it can be appropriate in nearly any context.
I think it's generally an autistic thing to come up with a set of internal guidelines that we use to determine when and when not to talk to someone. Sometimes those guidelines end up erring too far on the side of "don't do, too risky".
I know it can be hard to figure out how to navigate social situations, especially since learning requires doing and that's the scary part, but the only way to learn is to put yourself in those situations in the first place. Just remember that for neurotypical people, whether or not something is appropriate is purely "vibes-based", using a set of fuzzy guidelines they don't even know they have. If you can figure out even approximately what those guidelines are, you'll be ok in the vast majority of situations.