this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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chapotraphouse
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Okay, all these things apply to my life and I had the option to not be an incel. No need to play defense for incels this hard.
Actually, I was going to save it, but no, we've already had this struggle session on the site where it was made clear that this level of defense for incels makes femme users uncomfortable. Socializing doesn't come easy to me, all you did were list excuses for not developing social skills though. I used to be friends with people who were incels IRL, and they became that way because they got coddled by the men in their life into thinking it was okay to not develop socially and "uWu they're mentally ill it's not their fault" when it very much is. There is no excuse for viewing women as subhuman because you have so little social skills that you can't find someone else as socially inept as you and build a relationship from there.
This is on the same level as "uWu it wasn't Hitler's fault, he was just a product of his environment". That's a true statement, he was a product of his environment, doesn't make him any less deserving of our ridicule.
It's not shaming them for not performing patriarchal masculinity, it's shaming them for hating women. You are being disingenuous if you think that's all we hate incels for.
whenever incels are mentioned there are dozens of posts pointing and laughing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing
cool on you for getting help for your schizophrenia im just a weaker person who deserves to die i guess
So are you an incel?
I have never kissed a woman, I have never slept with a woman, even though i have craved companionship all my life. I feel lonely every time I go to sleep and every time I wake up. I feel ashamed for this and feel like there's something deeply personally wrong with me. My favorite movies are romance movies.
There's nothing wrong with you, and that doesn't make you an incel. I had a lot of these feelings when I was younger too. The difference between not getting laid and being an incel is the mindset you have. An incel uses their loneliness to fuel their loneliness and hatred towards other people. A normal person just gets a bit down about it. You don't have to play defense for hateful people because you're not included in that group unless you choose to be.
I feel for the people who just can't find companionship. It is hard in this capitalist hellscape to find it. But ultimately the best way to find that companionship is to get out there. I do pretty well on queer dating apps, high rates of neurodivergence and more leftism than normal dating apps, albeit still a lot of libs. Maybe you'll find someone on a discord server. I know long distance stuff kinda sucks, but it can be nice to have someone to fall asleep on call with and have that be your little "snuggle" fix.
Something I think you should remind yourself though is that you're often romanticizing romance. Many people in relationships are in messy relationships that they shouldn't be in. My last relationship existed, but was absolutely horrible for me. I was in that relationship because I felt the need to not be alone, and it destroyed me. Just put yourself out there in your own way, and you'll find someone eventually. Feel free to be a little flirty, as long as you're able to shut it down if someone asks you to.
no one has desired me in a decade. ive never felt part of a group. ive grown so much as a person over the last ten years, ive become such a more well-rounded more interesting person but none of that seems to matter, even at my most out-going there was just no one ot there for me. i just moved and i searched three years for a place and the place is much nicer but i just feel even more like shit. there seems to be less "out there" day by day and i live in a big fucking city and i am in university with people who have the same interest but everbody is too busy to have time for me and nobody wants to connect and im sure they all feel as lonely as i do but nothing ever amounts to anything and i got active in our institute and did events but nobody went to them
and im not queer i do not feel like a gender i do not feel like presenting any different or being anything and if people want to say he that is alright and if they want to say my name thats alright i dont care i just want to be wanted and for people to talk to me and be nice to me
of course i am romancing romance why do you think its called romance thats what romance is for, love transcends everything if you let it, love is the greatest force in the universe, theres this whole other world of experiences out there that i am just not privy to ive got all this skin that nobody has ever touched. if a woman gently caressed my thigh she could then stick a knife through my heart and that would be alright
Yeah, the only existing third spaces nowadays seem to be digital. Atomization of the working class is very real, and has very real impacts on social networking. All the people who want to interact with more people are moving to spaces like discord or places like this website. It sucks, but at some level you just have to roll with the times. I personally hate discord, but I still have it specifically for those third spaces.
And I'm not saying there's anything abnormal about romanticizing romance, I'm just saying that waiting for the right person is worth it. The wrong person will absolutely ruin your life and you'll just be addicted to it. Other people may have relationships, but there's no speaking on how healthy or unhealthy their relationships may be.
Something I will say though is that you gotta chill out on defending incels, because it makes you seem like an incel and that will turn people away from you. You don't have to ridicule them, but playing defense for them is a really bad look to say the least. Just try to be chill and try to appreciate people for who they are, and people will appreciate that you do that. Being nice and helpful are super attractive traits that will boost your self esteem and get you far.
this cannot be life. this cannot be the life i have to live. i have maybe 70 to 80 years on this earth and i need to put all of my existing into that time and a single second together with a friend is worth more than a thousand hours on discord. i want to be able to touch my friends, i want to smell them, i want to hold them, i want to feel them fill the room. i want to see them with my own eyes, without interruption and delay, without translation, i want to shout with them and sing with them and dance with them and make music with them and the world just doesn't want me to and there are people who can do this so why can't i what the fuck is wrong with me. why am i neither a person who can just live online nor someone who can just live offline
i feel for the incel because never feeling desired will break your spirit and your heart and your body and your soul. i obviously don't defend incels in real life, but i genuinely think the way people write about these things on here is wrong and disgusting and just as wrong-headed as the way incels talk.
i am chill and appreciate people, i live a genuine life and have hobbies and friends and i go out sometimes and im nice an helpful. if you saw me in a group of people you couldn't pick me out (i think). this has not gotten me far. in fact it has gotten me absolutely nowhere. im just as much of a virgin as i was ten years ago and believe me ive become a much more genuine and nice and helpful and interesting and interested person in that time and i treat everybody with respect and interest and all i want is someone to hold me and to say they want me and that they want to spend time with me and that has never happened and the whole weight of the world lies on me and there's nothing beneath me but an endless abyss and if i die without ever having received love then that would be a fate infinitely worse than never having lived at all. life with love is everything and life without love is nothing
I think you’re putting too much emphasize on romance. Years ago before I transitioned, I sought a lot of validation through romantic relationships. All it did was make me more desperate and anxious.
After I started my transition, I put romantic pursuit on the back-burner and focused solely on myself. I focused on the goals and desires I could obtain on my own, and that’s given me a stable foundation in my life.
Without that foundation, I would still be continuing to seek emotionally co-dependent relationships, and that’s where you are right now.
Even if you’re not trans, you should step back and focus on your identity for the time being.
Who are you? Who do you want to be? Do those two people align and if not, what can you do to make it so? What goals and aspirations do you have?
Once you figure out the answers to these questions, then you can start to figure out what kind of people you want to surround yourself with and be able to ask yourself a different set of questions:
What kind of people do you want in your life? How does having them around improve your life? How does them having you around improve their life, and how would being in each other’s lives improve things for the both of you?
I've focused on myself for my entire life. I've become a genuine authentic person with interests hobbies passions. The only things I haven't been able to do was become integrated in a community (they just don't exist anymore) or exploit my life for money. I don't have money. My goals and aspirations are to not become another cog in the machine, to not be broken down by capitalism, to not exploit my existence for cold cash. Sadly that's not very attractive to woman, who are smarter than me who know that you can't live without money and that it sucks to be poor and that it's better to live inauthentic fake easy lives that real authentic hard lives
We can give you all the advice we can, but at the end of the day the best course of action you can take would be to see a therapist. You have a lot of shit holding you back from a fulfilling life that isn’t being single, and you need a professional who can help guide you in untangling your web of trauma and insecurities.
Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Have you ever felt desired? If you have you cannot feel my pain. You cannot even begin to comprehend it. There's a giant hole within me and nothing but being desired can fix it because I'm a normal human being with normal human being needs
I have been in relationships and they were emotionally unfulfilling and caused my emotions to spiral out of control. And that’s because I expected too much of them. I expected them to fill the void inside of me, but that is an unfair burden to place upon others.
But I’ve gotten myself to a point where I’m content being single, and a romantic relationship would just be an added bonus. And while I don’t have a romantic partner, I have a best friend who’s more important to me than any romantic partner I’ve ever been with.
So you have been desired? So you have had someone who wanted to be next to you when you went to sleep and wanted to be next to you as you woke up. Nobody ever wanted to do that with me. Yes, I would much rather have a relationship that made my feeling spiral out of control than not have one and have my emotions spiral out of control anyway like they are doing right now. I don't want to be single. I've been single thirty years. I don't want to be alone, I'll have enough time to be alone when I'm dead.
I want someone to fill my void and to fill someone else's void.
I'd give the entire fucking world for a little bit of tenderness.
A relationship isn’t something you can achieve through desperation. The harder you try the more frustrating it will be and then when the right person finally comes along, someone you genuinely could click with, your insecurities and weaknesses will be cranked up to the max and will be on full display. You’ll end up sabotaging yourself.
Put the romance on the back burner. Delete all your dating apps, they’re designed to bring you despair. Join some clubs, or find a job that allows you to maximize contact with other people. Make some friends. And eventually you’ll find someone who makes you happy.
there was a woman who had interest in me ten years ago since then nothing even at my most social times i have many friends but most have moved away
I had a dream where I kissed a woman a few days back oh boy was that fun I wish I had never woken up