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I like your honesty, but Christianity has a core problem in that its holy texts can be interpreted in a myriad of ways. There is no "plain reading," except when it suits someone's designs (and if it comes down to that, it's often to the detriment of individuals or society at large).
On top of that, the doctrine that "God's laws are above human laws" is what has given rise to special treatment of Christians; it's why pastors routinely are able to hide sexual abuse and then make a public show of contrition; it's why churches can be classified as 503c charities, yet are not compelled to follow the same strict transparency guidelines as secular 503c's.
The foundation of Christianity is too malleable and too easily weaponized by ambitious villains, and I wish more lovely people like you would stand up, say, "Enough!" and then do something about it.
I agree with much of what you’re saying. Using scripture as a weapon (to condemn NOT that which is wrong, but that they don’t like or understand) and as a shield (to defend themselves against their abhorrent acts) is a despicable cancer that has festered since the dawn of the religion. I again look at the way much of the community behaves and just feel… deeply sad at how much they choose to misunderstand Jesus’ message and just hate.
I mentioned this to another person, but the problem is that with the right emphasis, the hateful Jesus is in there, too. Jesus overturned tables, whipped people, chastised people, came to "bring a sword to divide," and will allegedly one day come back on a cloud of fire and lightning to exact punishment and vengeance upon the unbelievers. If you desire a strong-man to save what you see as a culture in peril, besieged by evil forces, there he is.
The loving Jesus and the vengeful Jesus are both in there, and I wish more people were inclined to build their paradigm upon the latter.
If you are a Christian, and you find people who identify with your religion who are instead focusing on the former, I hope you have the boldness to call them out.
Most of the vengeful Jesus comes from people doing evil things in His name. Going into places where people claim they love him and then doing evil underhanded things with His name as a shield. In recent years a lot of the ideologies I hold have started differing from my family’s. I know they all mean well, but a lot of them hold disdain for my ideologies and it’s been hard to stand up for myself since growing up we all got along really well. Some of them are willing to just talk and I appreciate them greatly.
I understand. Changing what people feel like should be unified core values, especially around religion, must be very threatening to them. What does it mean to have a "true religion," if one can change their paradigm?
I think it's good that you are finding your own way with your own intellect. If there's a god out there, I should think it would want its followers to earnestly seek truth based on evidence and not satisfy doubts and curiosity with thought-terminating-clichés.
I was going to put the Einstein quote about religion and science here, but after reading about it, I understand that I don’t firmly grasp its full context and therefor should probably stop saying it lol I still believe science is a way to explain our world for the curious and determined but that faith still has its place.
I have a lot of my core values changing and it’s hard and scary, even having been surrounded by so many differing opinions and beliefs growing up. I can’t imagine how hard it is for them that are 40+ and have been mostly insulated.
I get it, and I hope you have some people in your life who can help you with that. I basically had to do a lot of that kind of thing on my own, so I know firsthand how hard that can be.