this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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askchapo
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I have asked this a few times but never got an answer: what if I forget your pronouns and have to refer to you in third person to other people and you’re not around to remind me?
I have many students and sorry I will inevitably forget names and pronouns, it happens.
Probably fine, especially if you do it to everyone, could keep notes on your hand and it would be endearing
Haha good idea!
So off the internet, transpeople are pretty forgiving and recognize that everyone fucks up occasionally. Transpeople misgender each other, but you know shit happens, they correct themselves and move on. If you don't know the right pronouns you can just acknowledge it, and it's basically fine.
Systematically getting it wrong and failing to correct or acknowledge your mistakes is a problem though. Depending where you are, purposely and persistently misgendering someone can be seen as harassment. Even if it's not harassment in your jurisdiction, it's a dick move, and you should just try not to be a dick.
On the internet, on the other hand, you get it wrong once, and someone will stop by to tell you you're committing a hate crime. That's just the cost of being online.