Ask Lemmy
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And which instance I choose to get the full experience of Lemmy and see all communities?
None, that's the point. Your experience and what you see depend upon you and your choices. There's no true Lemmy experience. The freedom and flexibility is the core of federation. You choose what your experience is, not a central arbitrary algorithm written by a for profit megacorp.
A kbin or mbin instance might have the most amount of federation/least restrictive if that's what you're concerned with. It's not lemmy based, but it's similar.
Kbin.social definitely blocks a lot of nsfw content, but I also see a lot of nsfw communities not being federated on mbin either. At least from lemmynsfw, I'm not too deep into this to know any other with that type of content but that one at least pops up semi-frequently. Might be also possible that kbin / mbin manually lowers the 18+ content in their algorithm so it doesn't show up as much. Kinda feels like a lot of the 18+ content from let's say the Ukraine war also doesn't show up as much on my feed. If I for comparison sake look into my Lemmy based account on mobile then I see a lot of boobies on the general feed.
K/Mbin hides NSFW posts by default and I haven't try turning it off so I wouldn't know how it looks without it enabled.
I use lemmy.today. The admin there has explicitly stated in the server rules that they want to try to avoid defederation with other instances -- that is, have the users make the decisions as to what they see, not the instance admin. They're US West Coast, and I think l'd take instance location into account when picking a home instance too, since it affects snappiness.
You can look at the server rules for lemmy instances in the sidebar in the Web UI. You can also see which instances they've defederated with, and that can also give you an idea.
Currently, lemmy.today has no defederated instances:
https://lemmy.today/instances
Keep in mind that there's a lot of stuff out there on the Threadiverse, including far-left and far-right instances. You've got instances that have porn communities, like lemmynsfw.com. burggit.moe has lolicon and consentual-nonconsentual content. Some people may want defederation with some instances to ensure that a new community on such an instance doesn't show up in their All feed or that a new instance that hosts content of some sort generally gets blocked for them -- depends on how much you want someone else to censor for you.
You’ll have to decide on your own. Pick a couple of instances that interest you, then check the list of instances they are federated/defederated with. If you really want to see everything, then pick one that hasn’t defederated with a lot of other instances.
I personally like lemm.ee because the admin is cool and they don’t haphazardly defederate at the slightest inconvenience.
lemmy.world is pretty big, I have my account there