Got really fucked up drunk for St. Patricks day yesterday (its a dumb ameribrain holiday but I like going out with my friends okay) and predictably don't remember like half the night.

This morning my friend sent me a couple pics she took of me well after the point I can remember and I wanted to cry. I just look so happy, and weirdly it gave me like, significant gender euphoria? I present pretty masc, and haven't made huge efforts to change that and last night was no different (though I think the fleece I was wearing might technically be a womens)... but something about the expressions I was making (and maybe a little bit the glitter shamrocks on my face) just hit different. Not even like I looked femme or androgynous really..., I think maybe its just that I looked genuinely happy?

I always get the feels after drinking too much (usually weirdly positive actually which is fucked lol) but seeing evidence that I was there, and having a good time with my friends, uninhibited of some of my more sober hangups, just really made me feel things. Makes me really want to pursue transitioning more seriously. That should be me all the time but instead I'm clammed up and feel like I have to act like a man :/