this post was submitted on 19 Mar 2024
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Hey, shit happened to me as well... deadbeat obese mom...
Buuut, I wanted him to have his mom by his side... no matter how offputting and lazy she is... so, we make it work (kinda... not really... I do it for the kid, OK ๐ญ?!).
I have a shit mom and a great dad. They got divorced when I was fairly young. I still have a relationship with both of them, but thank god for my good dad because Iโm not sure I would be an okay person without him. One good parent can be enough to keep you sane. So keep it up, you can do it :)
Of course, I do it every time and at every occasion I get ๐. I love him to death ๐.
That doesn't mean I'm not strict. He knows the rulebook, we draw and make shapes and color before TV or whatnot... not that his mom taught him any of that ๐คฌ. She just switches on the TV and call it a day.
Anyway, he still loves having her arround... for moral support or whatever... and he sees other kids do fun stuff with mom and dad, and he wants that as well... and he has only dad in that scenario, but mom is still around... mostly... with a cigarette in her mouth and on her phone doomscrolling ๐... but yeah, she is present.
I am trying not to kill myself solwly by focusing on the kid, what he wants to do and finds interesting, so that keeps my mind off current events... it works... for the time being...
Dude, you have some serious decisions to face that you've been putting off. Don't hide behind "doing it for my child," make good decisions that are right for you and in the end they'll be good for your kid too, whether or not there's short term pain.
I have been thinking about it, trust me. The situation got even more complex a few days ago (I could go into detail, but it really is a long story and I would like to tell the full story with all the details, but I just don't have the time now). Basically, I'm now left with the option of, one, stay with her and probably suffer till he's of age to decide which parrent he wants to be with (about 6 more years), or, two, I leave her now, roll the dice for custody and thow away a lot of money for lawyers (which I don't have) and she probably kills herself at the end (when she looses the custody battle)... the situaton is very complex, I know that this might sound like I'm overreacting, but I'm not. The full story is far far more gruesome.
And I'm also thinking about his reaction to her being either gone from his life or not very present... an oportunity presented itself a few days ago, and I'll monitor his reactions... still, we'll see... I know I'll hate myself if rip her away from his life, but I'll have to access her influence on him and does the good outweigh the bad in her... we'll see...
sounds like you're doing a good job being a dad, kids lucky to have you :)
I hope I am... I really do... I think I'm doing OK, but I always consult other people and elderly people that have raised at least a few kids, and then kinda make my own mash of all of the info, take into account my son's personality and come up with a "formula"... it is a lot of work though, parrenting didn't really come naturally to me, I really had no idea how to approach a baby from a psychological development perspective. Diapers, eating, cuddling, cramps, that stuff's easy. Starting to teach him things, that was the hard part for me... quite frankly, I was lost... she was freaking nowhere to be found regarding this, so I had no help from her... so I just started watching people in the park with babies, while we were having a stroll, do what they are doing with their kids. That was my starting point, and it was hard, but it got easier as I got more into it ๐.
hell yea man, like I said, kids lucky to have a dad that tries as hard as you do :)
Thank you, it means a lot ๐.
Giving a young person two sets of perspective is often as valuable as having a stable nuclear family. Good work.
Thay may be true, but I can't in good conscience deny him the right to be with his mother every day... at least not for the time being... things are unfolding as we speak and I'll have to wait and see the epilogue of these new events to draw a concrete conclusion.