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Am I the asshole for not being able to stifle my disdain? (hexbear.net)

submitted 5 months ago by nothx@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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I just need to vent a little bit and get some feedback from people outside of my friends and family. They love me unconditionally and I know they are never unwilling to listen, but I feel like a broken record lately and really can't find the motivation or make it better. I've really been feeling like an insufferable burden because of my pessimism and cynicism around this topic, so I figure why not unload it on some internet strangers and see what insight I can get from some like-minded people.

I work in big corpo and really really hate it on multiple levels. Everyone around me seems to either be blissfully ignorant or they have found a way to swallow their pride and just exist. I am having a lot of trouble doing that and it makes me feel like an unappreciative shithead. I'm in a good position, in a stable company with a lot of great perks and benefits, but I'm just not happy. I hate the industry, the culture, the work itself, but the people around me have been there for 10+ years, so there must be something I'm missing. Am I wrong for not being able to suck it up and cash my check?

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[–] Sphere@hexbear.net 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Funny you should ask...

I'm just not happy. I hate the industry, the culture, the work itself

Yeah, this is definitely me (well, minus the work itself I guess; I enjoy programming well enough, although other parts of my job are awful). But:

have been there for 10+ years

This is also me (I have a fancy Certificate on my shelf saying I've worked at the company for 10 years, with a lovely glass brick next to it that has the company's logo engraved on it).

I don't know much about this company you work at, but being a sourpuss all the time runs the risk of getting yourself fired, or at least on the shortlist for layoffs if they happen. You can get away with being a grump if your work is good, though, especially if you can make yourself valuable enough that they don't want to lose you.

As for everyone else: the reality of the working world is, no matter how you feel about it, you gotta keep bringing home that cash, so you do what you have to do to make sure you can. I'd bet more of your coworkers feel like you do than you'd guess, but it's not exactly safe to express that where the boss can hear.

All of that said, I'm working on getting into graduate school pretty soon, because I feel like I'm letting my life slip past me, so keep in mind that it's worth exploring possibilities beyond your current circumstances.

PS: Thanks for making this post, it proved to be the impetus I needed to finish up an email to a potential grad school professor.