this post was submitted on 06 May 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

on my bullshitThis probably won't be helpful but I'll just go off. I read this fucking book called Annabelle by Kathleen Winters, and I was a pretty dense kid so this was literally the first time I had ever heard that it was possible to physically change your body to match your gender. So after that I started yelling at people that I was gonna get on hormones and everyone was gonna call me by some new name I'd not yet decided.

I honestly wish I could remember more of my thought process from back then, what drove me. I know my brain tends to work oppositionally, and I found the upcoming physical effects of testosterone to be really incredibly unpleasant, so I was like, yeah the other one. Estrogen. I also did realise that I looked at all the women in my life with as much envy as anything else. Is it really a crush if you just wanna be her, kid? Do you wanna be her or kiss her???? Answer: both.

So basically I guess, being a man was a gross and nasty prospect to me--I got bodyslammed really hard by that one "Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life as a man?" manga screencap--and I really wanted to be pretty like all the girls I saw, so I did lmao. I dunno if I really felt "gender" about it, because while I enjoy fem outfits and selfcare and stuff now and then, binary gender is actually so fake and I don't have one, maybe at all. I like being a drowned lesbian rodent now ✨