askchapo

I personally was stuck for years on trying to find a label because I used it as an excuse to not try anything. I really think gender exploration is in the doing. Every new thing you try, you now have more data on how it makes you feel and you can put in some time to figure out the question of “why?”

You also reach a point where there really is nothing that can prove you’re trans or prove you’re cis. Cis people do not get asked to prove their gender identity, generally, and tend to be very bad at it. Meanwhile, there’s no objective measure of transness where you can determine you’re trans and then act accordingly. That’s backwards. At some point, it is an assertion you make about yourself to guide your actions and state an intent. It’s your identity. It’s personal. It’s something to be taken hold of.

I started being comfortable calling myself trans by referring to myself as trans in my head and with safe people. Eventually, it stopped feeling like I was taking up space where I didn’t belong or like I was lying to myself. And it took way longer than most people would probably deem necessary from the outside. I know because I have plenty of friends I’ve watched transition and they will be living full time with new name and pronouns, looking at HRT and still be like, “what if I’m actually cis though?”