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Old farts of Hexbear, is there something about younger people that you don't get? [no punching down!]
(hexbear.net)
OK this is my list. But first, I need to say that this isn't a condemnation of those into such thing. They just don't vibe with me.
- Cannot get into ASMR. I've tried. Often its women 20 years younger than me, rubbing their fingernails on hairbrushes. The intentional sounds they make with their lips and fingers are things that would make me want to change seats on a bus.
- Instagram. I was maybe the last person to get a smart phone. It was probably 2016. I'm just fully lazy to take photos of stuff. This is a real issue when I'm single and I need to start putting photos on dating sites, as all pics of me in my phone are me squeezing carrots in my nostrils and similarly goofy things.
- My students' taste in anime. I try to be all cool and show off my cool taste in anime, maybe drop a Azumanga Daioh clip. It's all ancient history for 17 year olds.
- Photo and videos done in portrait mode. I guess I don't watch videos on the go. See #2
Things that the kids these days do better:
- Usually better opinions on current events than people my age
- I wish that cosplay existed when I was a teen. The default when I was younger was drugs.
If anyone insults the kids, I will visit you at your home and do an 
1. RE: ASMR, what most people think of as ASMR is only a small subset of what's out there. I also find those intentional trigger videos (where people are just tapping on or brushing various objects) uninteresting to actively offputting. My favorite types are unintentional ASMR (particularly people talking about technical things) as well as personal attention roleplay (not the relationship roleplay stuff, which squicks me out, but things like medical exams or customer service). Whether unintentional or not, verisimilitude is the key-- that's part of why disconnected triggers don't do it for me, but also I tend to be triggered by voices more than anything else
Here's a classic video which ticks all the boxes for me (unintentional, accented English, tasteful amount of tapping and rustling, and amusingly technical given the subject): table tennis racket inspection. Another unintentional classic which launched a million roleplay ASMRs is this cranial nerve examination; a big part of it is the soft speaking and high gain on the mic as well as the personal attention. Actually, I probably should have lead with this, but the modern ASMR phenomenon was born out of people discussing these various unintentional videos and then people deciding to have a go at making intentional videos that have similar effects.
Not everyone experiences the pleasant tingles, which is something to keep in mind. Personally, I experience misophonia to the point of feeling pain in my ear when people blow onto the microphone, so any videos involving that are right out, and other people will have similar non-negotioables. It's totally fine not to enjoy ASMR regardless of the reason, but I just wanted to share that there's more variety out there than you might think!
With the rest, I'm basically right there with you.
Never made an Instagram because I have absolutely no interest in posting or looking at people's photos, although 15 year old me would have been into it so I can't blame the kids for that.
What are the kids watching, out of curiosity? If it's the latest battle shonen stuff (e.g. Jujutsu Kaisen, Demon Slayer) then yeah, I have no interest because I don't enjoy that genre in general, but I wonder if there's any other series where we might have some overlap.
YouTube pushing vertical streams has been driving me nuts. I don't mind watching a YouTube short here and there, but it's just not a good format for 99% of what I want to watch even if I'm watching on my phone.