Thiiiiiiiis gyaaaaaaaaal

nothings happened yet wtf! where’s my instantaneous magical girl transformation?

seriously tho, i expected some mental change based on how ppl describe the euphoria of being on E, but ig that takes time just like the physical changes.

i can wait tho, i was so indescribably happy last night after injecting. i was tearing up and cuddling with my gf and had amazing sleep. it feels like a new chapter of my life that im more optimistic and joyful for than ive ever been! been waiting almost two years for this moment 🥹

thank you hexbear! i dont know how much longer it would have taken for me to discover my transness if i wasn’t a part of the site with the best trans community on the internet!

and im going to grad school in a medium sized city in a month so ill be in a good place to transition compared to the rural area where i live

i am DIY and made four vials a couple weeks ago. then yesterday i sterilized them at 130C for 30 minutes, pretty easy in oil if you have a digital probe thermometer (i think ppl call them candy thermometers).

my regimen is 11 mg estradiol enanthate stabbed into my butt every 14 days. im planning on getting a blood test in 3 months and adjusting. p sure ill have to up the dose bc im 6’ and 200 lbs. prob gonna try to add progesterone in 6 months to a year even tho the studies on that haven’t been too promising in it helping transfems. prog can actually be pretty cheap if you DIY and mix a powder with coconut/cocoa oil and take it rectally.

some people upvoted a post that was very transphobic

Like I've known since the early-mid 10's, but I've only really ever been trans online.
I've just stagnated in boymode for years taking shit dosages of HRT cuz I'm poor.

Seeing people's eggs crack in real time and then a year later they are a woman is like a surreal and painful experience.
On one hand it feels like I have been trans longer than all these people, but on the other....have I?

I see people make timelines like "5 months on HRT vs. 2 years on HRT" (or stuff like that) and know I could never do one of those because my relationship to HRT has been so chaotic and inconsistent.

I just feel so alienated from the trans community, or at least the one that constantly gets pushed into my face on Twitter.

I'm making an active effort to be better, to push myself and escape this purgatory, but it's hard when you feel so by yourself.

I feel like the last couple years would have been so much worse if I had remained an egg, but at the same time I wouldn't have this guilt and shame and regret for wasting so much time that I know is completely my fault.

Idk why I am making this post

anyway, here is the democrats acquiescing to right-wing framing on the issue this very election year.

Been watching this funny video from one of the channels people gave me on my sloptube post, and I kinda like the way she talks about past experiences and stuff, feels very healthy. Idk who needs to hear this but maybe somebody??

This post is a discussion of Shou Arai’s manga, “At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender.” However, feel free to just answer the question in the title if you’re not interested. I’m wondering if anyone here transitioned in their 30’s or 40 plus.

Shou Arai is an intersex person from Japan who is somewhat well-known in the local queer scene. Arai lived the first 30 years of his life as a woman before transitioning into a man. I’ll be using he/him pronouns to describe Arai, as those are the ones he uses in the manga. The LGBT movement in Japan is obviously different than it is in the West, so some terminology doesn’t fit exactly. Arai is physically intersex, having physical characteristics of both sexes. He is also described as trans, non-binary, or agender at times; however, in this case agender is translated from something that more closely resembles “between genders.” Having read the manga, I personally feel that the term agender doesn’t really fit in the Western sense, and I believe the title is more in reference to “I am without gender because society doesn’t have a name for people with genders like me” rather than a true absence of gender.

Like Poppy Pesuyama, Arai considers himself a manga essayist. This means that the manga is primarily expository rather than narratively driven. Unlike Pesuyama, who wove their exposition into an overarching narrative, Arai foregoes narrative all together. Instead, each chapter of the manga is based on a topic or anecdote. Some chapters are even just Q&A sessions with other queer people. Often times, Arai is just giving practical advice about being queer. Despite the title of the manga, Arai actually wrote it when he was nearing 50 years of age, so he 30 years of female experience and about 20 of male experience by that time. Quite a veteran queer!

Here's a list of the topics he covers:

As you can see, the majority of the manga is devoted to aging while queer, which is why I was drawn to it. Frankly, I think some of the advice that Arai gives might be a bit antiquated, but he is real af. I think that some of the chapters were hard to read for me not because the subject matter or presentation is heavy but because he clearly voices a lot of the small things we worry about when aging and queer. In particular, the chapters “If I had aged a woman” or “Is it impossible to be a young girl” are a little rough if, like me, you’re transitioning late in life. Other chapters just discuss aging in general like body measurements, choosing glasses, facial sagging, or having a big head lol. In general, he’ll discuss an issue and then provide a way to try to mitigate it or think about it differently, and he’s always real about what’s actually achievable.

The manga is a real grab bag of tough thoughts, which I’m gonna list here:

Overall, I think that the manga is rather formalistically boring. There’re really no characters, and the art is fairly basic, so there’s nothing really to latch onto. Unlike other queer manga I’ve read, this one didn’t really move me; however, I think it’s bursting with important and helpful content, so it’s worth a read if any of this interests you.

Anyway, I wanna hear from the younglings too, but this post is for the geezers like me. Have any kind words?

mikhail @PolposLighter

introducing a flag for queers who EAT URANIUM! for when youre a queer and you love to eat uranium! rt if youre one of them queers who loves the taste of uranium

3:48 PM • June 6, 2023 • 1.5M Views

there should also be a trans flag hanging up in that room

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/2844166

BABE WAKE UP, NEW PYRAMID INU VIDEO DROPPED

WITH BLACK DRESSES MUSIC IN IT AAAAUUUUUUOOOGGH

Laughingfish, more like fucks

I have never been so compelled to watch so many smelly shows.

BIGGER AND MORE PRIDEFUL THAN EVER BEFORE

I regrettably was put through the christian "school system" in the 90's-early 00's. It was shit. I spent my first couple years in college having to learn some basics and unlearn a lot of bullshit. Being neurodivergent (ADHD) I got put into their special ed programming, which mostly consisted of getting tracked to low paying service work and stuck in a study hall where the alleged SpEd teachers just sneared at us delinquent kids. Anyway, in highschool you have christian classes including Bible studies, and Christian ethics. First one is true to the name, studying the text, but the second was nothing short of conservative bigot indoctrination. I can't stress enough how much this shit was just cult brainwashing, but that's not the point of why I'm sharing this.

I had a dream yesterday where I remembered one of the segments. The teacher showed us a Calvin Klein ad poster and explained why it was so bad. You see, this feminine looking model here is actually a man!! Basically, every model was "not really" the gender they presented as. 'Be careful what you expose your eyes to so Satan doesn't work his way into your head' or whatever the lesson was. I remember having this learned response of "oh no, bad thing!", but not understanding what the actual problem was. I also looked closer at the picture and still didn't understand, they looked nice... Of course I know now that he was just being a transphobic bigot, but there was no language for it, they would just call it "the work of the devil" or some shit like that. I didn't know what to call people like that.

I just feel gross, they deprived me of language for so damn long. The whole system is a cult, and they kept me so isolated and uneducated I didn't know who I was till I was in my 30's. God damn America, that's in the Bible!

Dysphoria and the fact I have to see my dead name pretty frequently aside, The fact that "males" are charged extra for insurance is ridiculous. Thanks for adding a dollop of dysphoria onto my economic woes.

Insurance company CEOs deserve the wall.