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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by hungrythirstyhorny@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[-] CaptPretentious@lemmy.world 15 points 5 days ago

I always wanted children. Damn near every major life choice has been fueled by that. Took a job I knew I wouldn't be happy at, but could be successful at to provide a better life. Yhe cars I've bought the safety rating for kids was to priority followed by reliability. The house I bought is within walking distance of every grade school, and the basement could easily be setup for a hangout spot for the teen years, oh and a good sized backyard for playing. One of the reasons I stayed at this job is I'm at max PTO and they actually offer paternity leave! I always make mental notes of fun places for kids so I could take them. When they were younger, and I was still considered cool, my niece and nephew wanted to move in with me 😆.

Just never met the right lady.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

I just wanna say I am sorry that it is near impossible for single dads to adopt kids. I understand the reasoning but want to cry because there are kids who need parents but you can't be the parent to one.

[-] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 4 points 5 days ago

Oof. Not sure if you're still trying, but maybe try focusing on (improving) yourself with the same dedication?

[-] megane_kun@lemm.ee 18 points 6 days ago

Even if it were possible, I still would not prefer to have any kids.

First off, I haven't even been a "proper adult", and probably would never be. How can I be expected to raise a child with the care and love they deserve when I don't even have my life sorted out? Even if you argue that I'd have to change once having a child, I've also seen people fail to change even after having children they swore they loved even more than their own life.

Secondly, we've already got enough people that are unwanted and abandoned. Why not take better care of people we already have now?

Lastly, parenting is a huge commitment. It's not just about you and your "legacy", but another life that will suffer for your mistakes. For those who are up to the task and willingly take on the responsibility, thank you and best of luck!

[-] doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 5 days ago

There would have to be some dramatic changes in the world socially and politically before I'll feel even remotely comfortable having kids. Also my finances would need to change.

And my family also has some genetic issues I'd rather not pass on.

Adoption is an option, but I'm pretty sure I don't even want one in the first place. When I was younger I thought having kids seemed like a sucker's game. My opinion has softened on that a bit, but it's still difficult to imagine actually wanting children.

[-] clark@midwest.social 15 points 6 days ago

No biological kids. In my opinion, there is no reason to produce biological children when there already are millions of parentless, unloved children in foster homes.

That being said, some days I yearn to take care of a child - to know I have given an existing being the opportunity to a better life.

[-] pathief@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

A couple of years ago, in Portugal, there were more couples looking to adopt than "viable" children up for adoption. While your statement makes total sense, it may be a insensible option on your country. Make due research!

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[-] yuuunikki@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 6 days ago

No kids. I love having money and the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want.

[-] cynar@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

I'm a parent, and we made the conscious decision to become parents. That said, I can fully understand people who don't want to have that responsibility. It can be exhausting and thankless, changing almost everything with your life, hobbies and habits.

On the other side of the coin, the depth of love you feel as a parent is impossible to describe. With that comes a set of incredible feelings, watching your children experience, learn and grow.

Basically, parenthood is almost completely thankless, but I wouldn't give it up for the world.

[-] newbeni@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

And then the grandkids show up....it's like amping up the feelings for my kids x10

[-] cynar@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

All the fun, none of the long term responsibilities!

[-] pdavis@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago

Not everyone who has kids ends up feeling this way though :(

[-] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

No kids.

I don't want any more stress, and I don't like kids anyway. Plus the idea of bringing someone else in this world... I want to die, why would I cause living to someone else?

And even if my views do change in the future, I'd rather go for adoption. Not only would I not create more life, but I could perhaps give someone a better chance.
I don't really understand the appeal of your kids being blood-related anyway. What's the point?

[-] Ifera@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

No kids, ever. I can hardly take care of myself, can't even be trusted with a plant, and I find them disgusting. Who will care for me when I am old? I have worked long and hard with the elderly, and knowing how many of them were abandoned by their families, it is easy to see that my odds are better investing the money I would use to raise a child, in a retirement fund instead.

But with how broke I am, I am not even getting to do the retirement fund thing, so yay. Glad I didn't let an ex change my mind when I was earning a lot back in the day, because those jobs got "optimized" and outsourced.

[-] Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 days ago

No kids. They’re a huge, life long commitment that you need to be willing to sacrifice everything for. Your happiness, your sanity, your time, your money… everything.

And I’m not the type of person who wants kids nearly enough to do that.

Especially when people tell me that I should for reasons like having a caretaker when I’m older. I’m not attached to my parents enough to do that. Why would I expect that of anything I pop out? And what a horrible selfish reason to make a new human that is!

If the only reason I’d be having a kid is selfish reasons in the distant future that aren’t even a guarantee, then that’s not worth sacrificing myself for right now.

Nothing against other people who want to be parents, so long as they’re prepared and not doing it as some sort of life insurance or to make a clone of themselves.

[-] hungrythirstyhorny@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

yep, good opinion sir..

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 11 points 6 days ago

I often feel like the odd one out in this conversation because I feel like I'm the only person with no strong feelings one way or the other. Like I could be totally okay with never having kids, but also fine with having kids.

[-] God_Is_Love@reddthat.com 4 points 6 days ago

I know several people who feel this way!!

[-] WanakaTree@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I have a kid and I feel this way.

To be clear, I absolutely love my son and I'm glad I have him. But I also still feel like if I had decided not to have kids, I'd have been fine with it.

It's a different framing now though, of "Do you want a kid", in the hypothetical, vs. "Would you be ok if you didn't have [Insert your kid's name here]." I'd be devastated if my son were not in my life. But I think I'd have been fine if I chose not to have a kid.

[-] Wooki@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Kids.

Nothing comes close to how difficult it is. It takes everything.

Nothing comes close to how amazing it is, and I mean nothing! It’s fantastic, rewarding in so many ways, it even develops your character.

I didn’t know I wanted them.

[-] PopcornPrincess@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

Same boat. We didn’t realize we wanted it until it was happening. It sometimes isn’t so black-and-white.

[-] JackbyDev@programming.dev 7 points 6 days ago

Having no kids. I currently have no children and do not plan to. I am satisfied with my life. My only real concerns are about who would support me when I age. Not monetarily but just in case my mind starts to slip and I need someone to help me get the help I need. I don't feel comfortable having a child or adopting with that being the sole reason.

[-] PresidentCamacho@lemm.ee 5 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Never considered the who would support you in advanced age argument. But I live in the US and any children I have would end up as probably the poorest generation to ever exist in this country, so not them I suppose.

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[-] newbeni@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

So, I have a few family members getting on in age and they are worried about the same thing. In one instance, they hired a house cleaner to come on once a week, just purley my happenstance, but she is able to let us know if said family member feels "a little off base"

[-] Titou@sh.itjust.works 8 points 6 days ago

I don't have time for this, also every persons i know see their health being ruined giving birth. So thanks but no, My health is more important.

[-] InternetUser2012@midwest.social 5 points 6 days ago

I love kids, however, with the current situation of our planet and the inhabitants of it, no more. I just hope that our youngest will be able to grow up and live a full life. Shit is going downhill at an accelerated rate.

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[-] ChexMax@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

Kids! I thought when I was a kid I wanted them no matter what. In my early twenties I decided I only wanted kids if I could find the right partner. Now I have one. Sometimes my partner is great, sometimes he sucks. I don't care, because my kid is great. She's a joy to be around and gives my life purpose in a way I didn't realize was possible. My whole purpose is just to enjoy reading her a story in that moment. My whole purpose is to feed her when she's hungry. My whole purpose is to look into her eyes. My whole purpose is just to enjoy the moment I'm in, and she accidentally causes me to be fully present so often. It's amazing.

That said, I would say if you're not 80% sure you want kids, don't. Figure out what would get you to 80% first. Financial stability, a good partner, a solid career field, etc.

[-] Kimdracula@lemm.ee 4 points 6 days ago

I don't have social life. I want kids. It's a fucking contradiction.

[-] terminal@lemmy.ml 1 points 5 days ago

Kids. The whole world is new and interesting to them and that is infectious.

[-] arxdat@lemmy.ml 3 points 6 days ago

The moment humans brought nuclear armaments into the world was also the moment that we severed ourselves from our humanity. We are still living in the shadows of metaphorical guns to our heads. This escalation of madness has led us down a very dark path, and for that reason, I'm out.

[-] Shou@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

Wars have always been brutal and involved murdering/raping citizens. Don't act like nuclear power made a change in morals. Only thing that changed is the scale. The darkness has always been there.

[-] arxdat@lemmy.ml 1 points 5 days ago
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this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2024
73 points (86.9% liked)

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