A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
If those quarterly updates had something useful to say in them, we might be bothered to read them ;)
They got to know that nobody reads them
Somebody does. Some Milton somewhere in the company will complain vehemently if anything is wrong and will possibly die if it doesn't show up.
Multiple times in my corpo experience I've assumed everyone ignored this sort of internal communique and have had people look at me as if I was skipping a message from God.
Ahh the bootlicker... That guy is always making every body's life shitter.
Great point!
Quarterly? Weekly more like.
"This week we're taking your workflow and completely changing it because we felt like it. Please keep the same productivity even though we added 20 unnecessary steps and 12 redundant steps."
"This week insert managerial circle-jerking recap that has nothing to do with the day to day operation"
"This week we, as management, scheduled back to back meetings with each other about what meetings we'd have in order to plan how we will strategize future company changes. This makes us feel valuable and productive and justify making a magnitude more money than you. Thanks for your hard work!"
Or different managers in the company each send a weekly newsletter to all employees. Additional to the Did-you-see-this-shit-on-our-comporate-social-media-platform mails, for which I don't know any colleague, that actually reads them.
Same goes for marketing: Monday's are like, hey could everyone please like and share our newest LinkedIn/Insta whatever? Friday's are look how our numbers skyrocketed! (B2B company, no idea why they even care about Instagram)
The more they make, the less they contribute to society