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Venting: I feel like such a broken person (hexbear.net)

submitted 4 months ago by Kiagz@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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I'm in desperate need of at least three different types of therapy at this point. General therapy for my abysmal self-image, gender therapy for all my trans related problems, and cognitive behavioral therapy for my ADHD. Feels like I'm so far away from living anything close to a normal, happy life madeline-sadeline

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[–] EllenKelly@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Im not sure where youre at in relation to transition, but in my experience, a lot of the issues i was having with my body image just fell away after i started hrt and my mind calmed down. Also reading about other trans people was helpful, transgender warriors specifically

as for normal and happy, theyre not really an all the time kinda deal, a normal distribution still has its highs and lows, hang in there comrade

[–] Kiagz@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I'm 9 months into HRT, and it's definitely made me feel a lot better about my body. Though I will say that the mental changes from HRT has made me feel much worse about the other aspects of my life, whereas before I was too dissociated from my emotions for it to really bother me. It's mostly the social aspects of transitioning that are causing me a lot of distress rn. I'm still boymoding, and it's getting very tiring having to constantly to hide so much about myself from everyone else.

ADHD makes it difficult for me to read books, but I think it would do me good to go through some of Leslie Feinberg's works. It'd be easier if I had the audiobook versions, but I'm not sure where to find those.

Thanks, I'll try my best! :)

[–] EllenKelly@hexbear.net 7 points 4 months ago

I know theres an audiobook you might be able to find it online :) i struggle with reading too, i havent finished it and ive started it twice. A good trick is to look at the contents and reas the parts that interest you, dont worry about the order!

i started hrt in 2017 and the social bit is the worst, i tend to avoid a lot of social interactions, because as much as i tell myself it doesnt hurt it really does if im at a big event. I dont ever come out to anyone, i just introduce myself with my name and dress in the same tomboy style i always did.

its hard out there, the social shit is why people detransition. Be good to yourself because noone else will be. <3

[–] citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net 14 points 4 months ago

just like me fr fr

[–] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 11 points 4 months ago

Mood

[–] magi@hexbear.net 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I'd say give things time as in let time do some healing.. I know it's not what most people like to hear but it's true plus I think living more as yourself things won't be so new and a lot of familiarity will set in. I see you're 9 months so still early days in the long run but I don't want to sound condescending either, I'm still learning things about myself long after transition too.. there's good days and bad days for sure, just try to keep your head up and focus on the positives as you make more progress.

I can relate to reading being difficult, I'm autistic and have dyslexia and it can be hard to motivate myself to read.. but I'd definitely read through some of Leslies work if you can.

And there's loads of us in the trans mega if you need to vent/chat or whatever..

[–] Red_sun_in_the_sky@hexbear.net 1 points 4 months ago

far away from living anything close to a normal happy life

I felt this for a long time and at some point I made my mind that it is what it is and really stopped bothering. Maybe it pops up once in a while in my head about being happy like ever or whatever. Well I don't know and I'm not gonna moved if I won't find whatever that happiness is.