this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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I might say something like "Oof, gravity is kicking in, I gotta go have a seat..."

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[–] Willem@kutsuya.dev 7 points 1 month ago

"Gotta sit on my thinking chair for a bit" or "lemme go listen to my own shit for a while"

Usually in dutch tho, "ff op de denkstoel zitten" or "even naar m'n eigen gezijk luisteren"

[–] 418_im_a_teapot@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

“Drop a grumpy”

– Johnny Depp testifying against Amber Heard

Edit: https://youtu.be/O95wvE-9XJg?si=rk6_raHl-lMeyX6l

[–] shyguyblue@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Not pooping, but whenever i have gas, I say I ate a kitten. Not many people get it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sjRO6BQFMw

[–] nobleshift@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Did you hear that asshole talking shit behind my back?

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[–] Golfnbrew@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I tell my wife I have to go blast a dookie.

It’s a Simpson reference.

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[–] Thrife@feddit.org 7 points 1 month ago

Hard insider, "Doing an Olli". We had a coworker named Oliver and when ever we were at a customer on site he not only showed up late but always went straight for the toilets making us wait even longer.

[–] Mongostein@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] meekah@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

For when I have to take a piss I like to say "I'll have to take a trip to the drinks return"

Works a bit better in German because of our bottle return system

[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Gotta run, I'm groundhogging!

[–] Brewchin@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Two of my favourites are:

  • I'm touching cloth.
  • Dropping the kids off at the pool.
[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I sometimes say that I have to powder my nose.

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[–] zell565@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

I have to see a man about a horse.

[–] HubertManne@moist.catsweat.com 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sorry im late for the meeting folks. I just took a massive bio break.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Where do you people take your excrement?

I tend to leave mine. Sometimes I even flush them..

[–] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 5 points 1 month ago

Instant weight loss plan.

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago

My IBS is flaring up. Be back in 30.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Time to lighten my load.

[–] DosDude@retrolemmy.com 5 points 1 month ago

I have to turn a bolus

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

I tell my dog "dookies get cookies" when she's taking too long to find the PERFECT spot to drop a giant soft serve ice cream cone.

[–] zout@fedia.io 5 points 1 month ago

I'm gonna knit a brown sweater. If you guess what I'm gonna do, I'll let you have half of it.

[–] zanyllama52@infosec.pub 5 points 1 month ago

I gotta go hang a mud snake.

[–] 56_@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 month ago

Toodle-oo (to the loo) as you leave the room. That's what I say to my cats at least.

[–] lennybird@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Do pardon my absence, for it seems my coffee has stimulated gastrin production, triggering peristalsis and thus motility of a log flume near my nethers.

[–] Jubei_K_08@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Gotta go ponder the mysteries of the universe.

Gotta go release my fear.

Gotta go pop a squat.

Gotta go stop a penalty kick.

[–] Turbofish@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

I'm off to strain the spuds.

[–] dyslexicdainbroner@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

"I gotta see a man about a horse" Cowboy Curtis used this one on Pee Wee's Playhouse

[–] Shnog@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I send out meeting invites in outlook for "office time"

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[–] Nomecks@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 month ago

I have to back one out

[–] tover153@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 1 month ago

Train's coming in to the station, I can smell the smoke.

[–] bitwaba@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Time for the most productive part of my day

[–] Cuberoot@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 1 month ago

Gotta shake a tit.

[–] gitamar@feddit.org 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Choke Jürgen or cook Jochen. Doesn't even make sense in German.

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