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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/fyrgoos15 on 2024-08-22 13:19:44+00:00.
My gf (38f, we’ll call her Jill) and i (37m) have been together for a year and 2 months now; 8 months of that time we spent living 1500 miles apart. I was away for training for work and away from all my family and friends and my lady. I was incredibly home sick by the time i finally made it back home in June 2024 and super excited to see my family, friends and find some normalcy with my relationship with Jill.
A string of uncontrollable events start to occur out of nowhere: random tire blow out, get rear ended with Jill in the car, and a random letter from Vitalant, a blood donation facility, letting me know i tested positive for HCV antibodies…talk about a blow to the gut.
Some background: i am very conscious of my health and most importantly anyone i date or have sex with. I have been donating blood and plasma for 20 years with the understanding that my blood is always getting tested for many different diseases and STD’s before being shipped off to help someone. I enjoy donating blood and plasma and i have never taken a single penny for doing so, i take pride in giving because i know i can directly help someone. So knowing that my blood is always being tested, at least a time or two a year, i knew confidently that i am clean and not infected with any Std’s… and that my safe sex practice was keeping myself and others healthy. Oh and i have never once used a needle for drugs or taken any hard drugs in my life. Weed and psylocibin are the wildest things ive done.
Opening this letter was an absolute shock…i even got light headed. How could i, after being so careful, all of a sudden have HCV?! I initially didnt realize what i was reading and that it was negative for the actual virus and positive for antibodies..
To add to this, Jill is sitting downstairs with my step mother, and her and i are late to my birth morher’s birthday lunch! I had only seen my mother one time before this bday dinner so before opening the letter, i was excited to see her and celebrate her. To add to it, my little brother’s birthday dinner was literally a few hours after the lunch…he’s turning 18, huge day for him and i am so pumped to see him grow up…two of the most important people in my life on their most important days, who i am celebrating with the most important woman to me: Jill and i may have either been infected by her at some point or i infected her…my brain is swirling with what to do next…do i tell her right now and risk being late to my moms bday?! Do i just wait until after? Wtf?!?! I have an STD!!! I couldn’t stop the thoughts, and i just made the decision to take the letter with me and get to the lunch with Jill so we aren’t late…
In the back if my head all day i am telling myself “i need to tell Jill, i need to tell Jill” but im also thinking, “don’t do it today, celebrate bro and mom and tell her in the morning”
So thats what i did, just stuffed it down, and celebrated everyone. I got to see a bunch of my family that i haven’t seen for almost a year at two different occasions in the same day. it was weird but amazing at the same time. Jill enjoyed herself and got see parts of my family that i’ve been wanting her to meet for a while…bittersweet.
The next morning Jill and I are out getting coffee and i break the news to her and show her the letter…she immediately thinks ive been cheating on her and blames me for “lying through omission” i have never heard that phrase in my life so i really didnt understand what she meant. But i knew she was going to be upset and i was going to sit in it with her because thats what i have to do. We had already had a shitty week dealing with insurance companies, attorneys and health care. We got rear ended, hard, a week prior so we were both not sleeping our best, not exercising, and just frustrated with that situation..now this. We both agreed that we aren’t going to talk about this with anyone until we know for sure.
To keep a really long story as short as possible: we got a blood test done and we both tested negative for all STD’s and anitbodies. The HCV anitbody test was a false positive, thank God.
I helped her understand that i did not cheat and i trust that she hasn’t cheated on me. We are faithful to each other and mature about being in a relationship. But she is still upset about me “lying by omission” because i didn’t tell her right away and let her decide how that day should have gone. I admit that i could have absolutely handled that better, but seeing that i had an STD, the birthdays happening that day and not wanting to let anyone down by being late, but also knowing i need to tell her, i made a decision in the moment and went with it…
Jill and i are sitting down having a beer with her roommate and she brings up the blood test in front of her…i immediately ask “she knows?!” This kind of hurt for me because we haven’t actually had a conversation about the whole thing to kind of bury the hatchet…so i got pretty upset that she broke our promise to not talk to anyone about it. It was frustrating but i let her know i felt and we talked and i was better.
This all went down about a month ago…and today, i find out she has been harboring feelings of lost trust and connection due to my lying by omission. I am beside myself and just have no idea how to approach this. I can see from her side of the story why it’s a big deal because her first marriage ended due to her ex cheating on her and lying about it for a long time… i feel terrible for stirring up those feelings in her and making her think i would do the same thing. The reality is i was just trying to do what was best for everyone…and clearly i fucked up.
I honestly feel like this is something we can overcome but i also feel like she is giving up or maybe even entertaining other men…who knows. Im just upset because we have had such a great time together up to this point and it feels like this isn’t something that should break us. Other than this false positive test, i have been up front in communicating about everything that she needed to know right away.
TL;DR TIFU by waiting 12 hours to tell my gf about a positive HCV antibody test that was later found to be a false positive, now she is harboring negative feelings because i “lied by omission” and has lost trust and connection.