this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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Not The Onion

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cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/3045623

He said it made him think: “You can’t arrest me no more; I’ve seen your private parts.”

He said any respect he had for her work or the department disintegrated after he recognised her as an OnlyFans model. “I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me and I just saw you and your husband last night for $29.99 have sex on OnlyFans. I just can’t respect you or the precinct that you’re working at,” he continued.

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[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 163 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Ah yes, the ol' Incel defense: You can’t cite me bc I don’t respect you.

[–] kn33@lemmy.world 55 points 2 years ago

Right? I don't respect cops in general, but I still have a speeding ticket on my record.

[–] CoderKat@lemm.ee 20 points 2 years ago

The "fun" intersection of incel with sovereign citizen bullshit.

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 149 points 2 years ago (6 children)

“Cool story bro thanks for $30 now get in the fucking car and be quiet”

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[–] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 115 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Narrator: she could, in fact, arrest him.

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[–] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 101 points 2 years ago (8 children)

He can’t respect her because she’s a sex worker and not because she’s a cop? Man talk about being right for the wrong reasons

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[–] Szymon@lemmy.ca 96 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Who the fuck pays $30 to watch an online sex video?

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 37 points 2 years ago (1 children)

People who want to try out this cool trick

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 20 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"The police hate this one cool trick"

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[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E@lemmy.world 74 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Being on OF definitely doesn't grand the right to pull over drivers! Being a cop however, does..

[–] FourzerotwoFAILS@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago

Just have to hit him back with the “I can’t respect you or anything you do because you pay $29.99 for porn when you can just get it for free. So your bail is now doubled as you clearly have more money than you need.”

[–] Steak@lemmy.ca 74 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"you can't arrest me no more, I've seen your privates" lmfao

[–] Rayspekt@kbin.social 31 points 2 years ago

Cops hate this simple trick

[–] Arthur_Leywin@lemmy.world 69 points 2 years ago

Bro paid to watch her and says he can't respect HER. Ok

[–] theKalash@feddit.ch 59 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

It's a nice loophole, but following all your local cops' OnlyFans can be expensive.

Much better to just go after the OnlyFans of judges. They can't sentence you if you've seen their private parts.

[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No no, they'll just send you to another judge. Instead, you follow the president's OnlyFans. He runs the government, so once you have the government can't do anything to you.

[–] errer@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

“Mr. Biden I have seen your butthole, you can’t touch me.”

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[–] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 9 points 2 years ago

This person crimes

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 49 points 2 years ago (1 children)

How much Does he spend on OnlyFans to accidentally stumble upon a local cop from his area? Is he looking to Platinum OnlyFans?

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Wait...

This isn't the onion?????

What the fuck lmao

[–] Mic_Check_One_Two@reddthat.com 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Check which community you’re on rofl

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[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 44 points 2 years ago (1 children)

“I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me"

Most people wouldn't want anyone to arrest them. Arrest is done against the arrestee's will. That's kind of the point.

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[–] Aggravationstation@lemmy.world 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Reminds me of those Sovereign citizen videos on Youtube. People are sitting in their cars feeling all high and mighty filming the cops saying they can't arrest them for X or Y reason then the cops just bust their windows and pull them out whilst they're still screaming their bullshit. I'm not the biggest fan of the police but I do find those videos satisfying.

[–] Adalast@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I have actually heard from several police officers from a variety of departments that when they e counter a Sovereign Citizen they tend to have a policy to drop the situation unless it is a felony offence because too many officers have been gunned down by them over traffic stops and such.

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[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 36 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Cops already want to shoot you and your dog, and your brilliant move is to dunk on them?

[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Gynaecologists never get arrested. Coincidence?

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yup that's how the job works

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[–] Chariotwheel@kbin.social 26 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I too don't have any respect for people who have sex. I only respect asexuals.

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 2 years ago

Unfortunately for you, not all asexual people don't have sex. The amount of people you respect just keeps on dwindling 😔

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[–] ndru@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Some people guide their behaviour by a sense of morality.

Others are guided by the threat of authority.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

And still more are guided by whatever is most convenient at the time.

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[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] Kase@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago (8 children)

I wanna know who's behind the onion and how tf they come up with this stuff. This is gold.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Kase@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Oh god oh god I'm an idiot

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[–] ErwinLottemann@feddit.de 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

more than two hours and still no link? 😱

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[–] cmbabul@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago

If this actually worked there would’ve been a black market of naked cop videos

[–] joe 10 points 2 years ago

It's a shame that hardworking people with real jobs these days have to take on a side hustle as a cop just to make ends meet 😞

[–] Spendrill@lemm.ee 9 points 2 years ago

Did The Onion manage to sell one of their stories to the Indie?

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