this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
352 points (94.0% liked)

Not The Onion

12254 readers
1442 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/3045623

He said it made him think: “You can’t arrest me no more; I’ve seen your private parts.”

He said any respect he had for her work or the department disintegrated after he recognised her as an OnlyFans model. “I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me and I just saw you and your husband last night for $29.99 have sex on OnlyFans. I just can’t respect you or the precinct that you’re working at,” he continued.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 163 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Ah yes, the ol' Incel defense: You can’t cite me bc I don’t respect you.

[–] kn33@lemmy.world 55 points 1 year ago

Right? I don't respect cops in general, but I still have a speeding ticket on my record.

[–] CoderKat@lemm.ee 20 points 1 year ago

The "fun" intersection of incel with sovereign citizen bullshit.

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 149 points 1 year ago (6 children)

“Cool story bro thanks for $30 now get in the fucking car and be quiet”

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 115 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Narrator: she could, in fact, arrest him.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 101 points 1 year ago (8 children)

He can’t respect her because she’s a sex worker and not because she’s a cop? Man talk about being right for the wrong reasons

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] Szymon@lemmy.ca 96 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Who the fuck pays $30 to watch an online sex video?

[–] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 37 points 1 year ago (1 children)

People who want to try out this cool trick

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"The police hate this one cool trick"

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E@lemmy.world 74 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Being on OF definitely doesn't grand the right to pull over drivers! Being a cop however, does..

[–] FourzerotwoFAILS@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

Just have to hit him back with the “I can’t respect you or anything you do because you pay $29.99 for porn when you can just get it for free. So your bail is now doubled as you clearly have more money than you need.”

[–] Steak@lemmy.ca 74 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"you can't arrest me no more, I've seen your privates" lmfao

[–] Rayspekt@kbin.social 31 points 1 year ago

Cops hate this simple trick

[–] Arthur_Leywin@lemmy.world 69 points 1 year ago

Bro paid to watch her and says he can't respect HER. Ok

[–] theKalash@feddit.ch 59 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

It's a nice loophole, but following all your local cops' OnlyFans can be expensive.

Much better to just go after the OnlyFans of judges. They can't sentence you if you've seen their private parts.

[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No no, they'll just send you to another judge. Instead, you follow the president's OnlyFans. He runs the government, so once you have the government can't do anything to you.

[–] errer@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Mr. Biden I have seen your butthole, you can’t touch me.”

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

This person crimes

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 49 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How much Does he spend on OnlyFans to accidentally stumble upon a local cop from his area? Is he looking to Platinum OnlyFans?

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait...

This isn't the onion?????

What the fuck lmao

[–] Mic_Check_One_Two@reddthat.com 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Check which community you’re on rofl

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me"

Most people wouldn't want anyone to arrest them. Arrest is done against the arrestee's will. That's kind of the point.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Aggravationstation@lemmy.world 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Reminds me of those Sovereign citizen videos on Youtube. People are sitting in their cars feeling all high and mighty filming the cops saying they can't arrest them for X or Y reason then the cops just bust their windows and pull them out whilst they're still screaming their bullshit. I'm not the biggest fan of the police but I do find those videos satisfying.

[–] Adalast@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I have actually heard from several police officers from a variety of departments that when they e counter a Sovereign Citizen they tend to have a policy to drop the situation unless it is a felony offence because too many officers have been gunned down by them over traffic stops and such.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Cops already want to shoot you and your dog, and your brilliant move is to dunk on them?

[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Gynaecologists never get arrested. Coincidence?

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yup that's how the job works

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Chariotwheel@kbin.social 26 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I too don't have any respect for people who have sex. I only respect asexuals.

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 year ago

Unfortunately for you, not all asexual people don't have sex. The amount of people you respect just keeps on dwindling 😔

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ndru@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Some people guide their behaviour by a sense of morality.

Others are guided by the threat of authority.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

And still more are guided by whatever is most convenient at the time.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Kase@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (8 children)

I wanna know who's behind the onion and how tf they come up with this stuff. This is gold.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Kase@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh god oh god I'm an idiot

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
[–] ErwinLottemann@feddit.de 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

more than two hours and still no link? 😱

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cmbabul@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

If this actually worked there would’ve been a black market of naked cop videos

[–] joe 10 points 1 year ago

It's a shame that hardworking people with real jobs these days have to take on a side hustle as a cop just to make ends meet 😞

[–] Spendrill@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

Did The Onion manage to sell one of their stories to the Indie?

load more comments
view more: next ›