this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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The Onion

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[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 56 points 2 weeks ago

I type lol a lot, but I need you all to know that I fucking HOWLED laughing at this. God damn is the new onion on point.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 33 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You must have missed what he actually did say recently, which this article is mocking.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Last I heard from him it was the "spanking". You'll excuse me if I don't want to seek out more.

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Said that a demon scratched him in his sleep, and in the same breath says there were four dogs in his bed at the time.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 4 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, that's how the rest of us reacted too.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 2 weeks ago

That's why you don't take peanut butter into bed

[–] DickFiasco@lemm.ee 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I laughed so hard at this that a demon pissed on my pants too.

[–] mister_flibble@lemm.ee 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

“The demon made me suck those men off too— and now my wife is pissed”

[–] Lemjukes@lemm.ee 18 points 2 weeks ago

Hot damn the onions still got it.

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I was just talking to someone a few hours ago about how sex ed in the US is so bad that a huuuge number of my psychosis patients will tell me they know someone came in to their room and sexually assaulted them overnight because they woke up with a boner or wet vagina. In nursing school they also told us that the average learning level of a US adult (particularly in terms of reading level) is about the fifth grade. My school did sex ed in 6th, so that checks out. In the US its just normal to not know how your genitals work. Especially about the opposite sex and especially when it comes to women's anatomy, but also just in general. I've had multiple men tell me their morning wood is proof of a sexual assault. And you always get shit from police having to file these reports because like yeah obviously we have cameras proving no one did more than poke their head in the room for routine safety checks and this is clearly just a hallucination / delusion but also it's their right to report it and it's your job to write it down so like???

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 12 points 2 weeks ago

Now this I believe

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 weeks ago

That Demon? JD Vance.

[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Omg, a rare onion article that sounded absurd to me and didn’t fool me. Takes me back to the before time… member?

[–] mako 12 points 2 weeks ago

This is commentary on Tucker saying that a demon attacked him and clawed him up while he slept.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Ah, a "wet" dream!

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Is that not what he actually said I thought it was?

[–] Fuzzy_Red_Panda@lemm.ee 4 points 2 weeks ago

That's part of what makes it so great; the original story was equally insane.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Did Tucker happen to catch the most recent episode of The Casual Criminalist?

[–] jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks for indirectly letting me know that a new episode dropped.

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 1 points 2 weeks ago

Become consumed by the Whistlerverse.