this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2025
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I had a discussion recently with someone about this. Since we don’t really celebrated our birthdays we weren’t sure what’s β€œnormal β€œ.

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I go out of my way to not have people know my birthday.

[–] ClassifiedPancake@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

If I wish happy birthday to friends every year but never get anything from them I will be suspicious if they even care for me, yes.

[–] Truffle@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago

I guess it also depends on culture. In Latinamerica many people consider birthdays a big deal so forgetting it would be considered a faux pas.

For me personally I care if my partner and close friends remember, coworkers, my dentist, etc. I don't give a damn but if they so happen to congratulate me or send a gift or whatever, I thank them graciously and try to correspond in the same manner when it is theirs.

For example, my yoga teacher found out about my birthday because SO sent me flowers to the studio so I could enjoy myself starting the day, so said teacher gifted me a box of my favorite incense. It was a nice touch but definitely due to circumnstances. I enjoyed it nevertheless. So now I will be getting her a nice beautiful plant for her balcony.

[–] Whitebrow@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It’s January 1st, 1970 no matter who (or what) asks

[–] Achyu@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 day ago
[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 4 points 1 day ago

You're exactly 5 years older than me. What a coincidence!

[–] imaqtpie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

Heh, you old af. My condolences.

But at least that's a nice round number.

[–] tomi000@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I couldnt care less. I never understood how people would be angry at others for forgetting their birthdays. Its just a damn anniversary...

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I expect my mother and identical twin to remember my birthday. I hope my husband remembers, but would not be upset if he didn't. (He's never forgotten)

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 23 points 1 day ago (2 children)

In Germany it's customary for those having the birthday to bring cake to work. That way coworkers know.

And friends should find out when you invite them to a birthday party. Doesn't have to be a big party when you're an adult. You just invite them, eat something together, have some fun. Depends on the friend group.

Another win for home offices!

TIL Hobbit Culture was based, in part, on Germans.

[–] jet@hackertalks.com 19 points 1 day ago

Nobody knows my birthday.

For adults unless your throwing a party, it's not something that comes up.

I don't particularly like celebrating birthdays or holidays so I definitely do not expect anyone to remember. I also avoid telling my birthday whenever I can evading as I can. That being said I throw peoples birthday into my cal as I discover them so I can be congnizant of them since most people do celebrate that stuff. If you want to impress me though get me a really relevant gift out of the blue that you got for free, made, or was just a steal of a deal. or a handmedown. don't be like seinfeld though and lie to me on how cheap you got the thing as the experience should be authentic.

[–] Eczpurt@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

My birthday I keep to myself and whoever remembers remembers haha.

I used to forget others birthdays but the people who matter most to me I've made the effort to remember as best I can. Last year I started putting birthdays into my calendar as a recurring event so I don't miss them. I just set a reminder a week or two prior if I want time to get a gift!

[–] BassTurd@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Those that know, know. I don't like the extra attention on an arbitrary day. I also don't message people happy birthday. Only if I see you in person or you're my wife and I'm away.

[–] RandomUser@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I barely remember my birthday.

[–] MoonMelon@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 day ago

I think the last time I celebrated any holiday was buying some champagne when Kissinger died.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Neither. Its just another nail in the coffin/ thread on the urn lid

[–] Coreidan@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

I hate birthdays so I am OK with everyone forgetting

[–] communism@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 day ago

I don't celebrate my birthday and I don't tell people my birthday unless it's required for something.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Let them know for those that I want to know get together with. Otherwise if they remember … great, if not no big deal.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If they're close friends and family I definitely expect them to remember. It's a good indicator of who I can trust in my life as well, those who usually remember just also happen to be on the trustworthy list.

[–] FarraigePlaisteach@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (3 children)

We’ve been debating whether someone remembering a birthday is a reflection of how much they care or not.

Everyone has smart phones and already adds people’s phone numbers in their contacts. Just add their birthdays as well and you will be reminded. If you don’t, you don’t care.

[–] Akuchimoya@startrek.website 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Remembering birthdays is a reflection of how much someone cares about birthdays. There's no need to read anything more into that.

Many people (this thread is an example) are either completely indifferent to birthdays or even dislike them. To us (I'm indifferent) birthdays are totally pointless and basically a fact related to identification, like a student number or social insurance number. I remember my student and social insurance number because I have to, in order to function at school and in society. I don't ask anyone else's student numbers because it's entirely pointless and useless information to me.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 1 points 1 day ago

For me it correlates so yes. I'm not saying one is necessarily caused by the other.

Conversely, I set up birthday reminders for the people I care about.

[–] NONE_dc@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I try to be fair, and since I don't remember others people's birthdays, I don't mind if anyone (other than my family) remembers mine.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 8 points 1 day ago

I don't want people to know my birthday

I do my best to not telling anyone so only a few people know. I'm allergic to pointless social interactions and that is one of them for me. At my job nobody knows.

All my friends remember when by about +/-3 days. Every year I invite everyone to meet for food and drinks one night.

I share my birthday with my mom and son, which makes it easy for everyone to remember.

I hope they forget my birthday. Me too, thanks.

[–] sylver_dragon@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

My friends know, and we usually get together and play games on a day designated as my birthday. It's usually on the weekend before or after the actual day. As for remembering, if you know someone well enough to be present at their birthday, just write it down. You all have phones, don't you? Honestly though, the older I get, the less it has mattered. It's really just an excuse for us to get together. My wife gets me something sweet (usually a cinnamon roll), everyone sings "happy birthday" and we go back to whatever game is on the table. It's nice to be thought of, but mostly I just want to be with friends and family.

I don't want to be celebrated, so it's up to other folks if they want to celebrate my birthday. I'm certainly not going to remind them.

Neither.

IDGAF if anyone remembers, and I ain't reminding anyone.

About the only thing I care about regarding my birthday is being allowed to nap without interruption lol.

[–] andrew@radiation.party 2 points 1 day ago

I plan on not celebrating my birthday and only bring it up if conversation happens to lead there, or if somebody asks. Usually somebody remembers and offers a dinner or to hang out. Not a fan of big parties! Too much hubbub.

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 2 points 1 day ago

It is on my shared electronic calendar, physical home calendar, and I remind people that I want to have plans with. I also decorate for housemates' birthday weeks.

I don't tell strangers.

[–] Vaggumon@lemm.ee 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

HAHA No, I don't expect them to remember, and I don't remind them. In August I'll be 47 I haven't had a birthday party, gift, or card since I was maybe 25, the year my mother passed away. I've been married for 21 years. Not to be clear, my wife does say "Happy birthday". But she's not really a gift giver type of person.

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

But she's not really a gift giver type of person.

not even a bday blowie?

[–] Vaggumon@lemm.ee 2 points 1 day ago

Not to share too much, but that type of gift doesn't require it being my birthday.

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 1 points 1 day ago

The only celebrating I do is eating slightly more unhealthy, take the day off work unless it's going to be a short day, and maybe look to see if any games in my "maybe if it's on steep sale" list are on sale.

That's it.

I don't remind people, I dont expect anyone to remember, but it's nice when they do.

My excuse for missing people's birthdays is I DO know the date.... I just don't know what the date today is. Sure I know my sister was born on the 12th, but that doesn't matter if I think today is the 10th and it's actually the 15th...

So if I have that much problem, it wouldn't be very chill to be upset with others for missing mine.