Like a true winner, he had secret service agents knock over the other kids and steal the candy in their baskets. Their parents are now in a gulag in Siberia, and the kids are on a prison work detail in a coal mine. Take that, losers.
this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2025
339 points (99.1% liked)
The Onion
5903 readers
1328 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
I totally ate this onion.
Don't worry me too.
The other holiday it shares probably doesn't help
Same
I was ready to believe this was real
Totally unrealistic... he would have just taken the baskets from the kids, then sent them to an El Salvador death camp.
I tried fact checking this but I remember Trump telling me this once at our sleepovers back when he was on the apprentice and I had a mid-sized Greek bakery on 45th street in Manhattan. He’d come in sometimes but never ordered anything. He said he liked the smell in there.
I'd like to see him try to bend over to pick something up.
He'd just make one of his sycophants do it for him, then take credit about how he's the "greatest egg hunter the world has seen, maybe ever!".
Oh, I have no doubt he's privately had to use one of these for at least the last 20 years:
NGL I use one of these all the time, they’re great
Obviously fake news! Trump couldn't be assed to run around grabbing eggs on the lawn, that sounds way more strenuous than golf.
Haha! Well worth a read, lol!