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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Boysenberry7504 on 2025-07-09 21:11:58+00:00.
Story is actually from a year ago, but haunts me to this day.
For context: I [30f] am a lead in my department. So while I don’t supervise anyone, I’m almost-management. We’re WFH, so it’s common for me to get on Zoom calls with coworkers throughout the day.
On this particular day, I was screen sharing with my coworker, Jane [53f]. She happens to notice that as I’m helping her, I’m also responding to various messages and email. She comments on how I’m always doing a thousand things at once.
Here’s where I FU. What I meant to say was, “yeah, I’m a master of multitasking.” Instead, what came out was, “yeah, I’m a master of masterba-.” I stop myself mid-word. I was mortified. If I could have disappeared from this plane of existence I would have.
She starts hysterically laughing, and asks “were you gonna say masturbating?”
Sheepishly, I confess that yes, that’s what I was saying. I tell her don’t know what short-circuited in my brain, and I really meant to say “multitasking”. And I beg her to please not report me to HR for my FU.
She was super cool about it, but I’m still embarrassed to ever see her in person again.
TL;DR: My brain glitched and instead of telling my coworker “I’m the master of multitasking”, I instead said “I’m the master of masturbating.”