Yes I think the bare minimum for many of us is becoming “no conservatives.”
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A good chunk of these dudes are closeted self-hating homosexuals projecting and lashing out so they aren't even TRULY motivated by lacking "a woman" except in which how much it frustrates them that they can't feel an attachment toward these people whom they have been told are the trophy awarded for their hardships. Which is delusional and stupid of course.
Obviously it's not a bad thing that they're gay; it sucks that they hate themselves and feel motivated to balance it by pretending that those aspects of themselves which they hate are things for which they hate others harder. If they didn't hate so much, maybe they'd have a shot at being happy.
Oh well. They live in a hell of their own creation. Serves them right.
I’m a 42 year old man with a cat and still single due to living in a very rural republican area and all women here are hardcore Trump fans so I’ll just stay single and spend time with my cat.
Wanna date me? I'm Canadian and I have a really sexy permanent residence card waiting for you. Bats eyelashes.
Hey, wanna marry me and my wife?
Interestingly this poly throuple in Quebec were recently granted the legal right to all be on their child's birth certificate. We're pretty open minded.
It must be hard to find friends too in that area. Hope you are doing fine.
I do alright, it’s crazy just like most things seeing people and friends you grew up with slowly becoming brainwashed and you having to distance yourself from them. Like most conservative people Covid broke and still is breaking a lot of people’s minds here.
Based cat-daddy! :D
Meanwhile, all the progressive poly guys I know who have figured out how to deeply respect women have more partners than they really have time for. And quite a few of them are not "good looking" by any conventional standard (though some are).
How many progressive poly guys do you know?
I'm aro/ace and not dating, but my circle of friends is progressive and most have become poly over the last 5 years.
So I'm acquainted with probably +25 poly guys, most of whom skew progressive (but there are a few who lean more libertarian in there too, and a couple anarchists), and am good enough friends with probably 5 progressive poly guys to have a good sense what they have learned, how they treat their partners, and what their partners find appealing.
To be fair, to me polyamory looks like an insane amount of effort for the payoff - bc I am not interested in even one relationship let alone the intense effort of managing multiple. But from what I have seen, successfully being poly means learning a ton about boundaries, communication, and maintaining respect because all parties constantly have to manage jealousy and limited attention each of their partners. If you don't respect one partner - poof!! -- that relationship is over. And your other partners will likely hear about it, in detail, from both sides and litigate it bc they have a stake both in you and in being someone with you. It is a ton of drama.
But it also seems to be a crucible for learning how to negotiating needs and figuring out how to talk about it openly with each other to build connection - and that process both requires and builds respect for your partners.
Like I said, the guys I know who have stuck with it and learned the necessary people skills now have the problem of having too much interest. Including one friend who had terrible luck dating before and who I worried was on the verge of becoming an incel. Then he dated one of my first friends who was poly, and she kind of taught him in no uncertain terms how this works. Between that and his next poly girlfriend, I watched him become someone who is deeply considerate of his partners and is also confident about his boundaries and what he can offer. He's got like 4 relationships going on, 2 of which are long term.
And again - the biggest change I saw in him was that he stopped seeing the women he wanted to date as games to win or challenges to overcome, and stopped carrying the frustration and shame that comes with the 'failure' to 'score'. He still looks at women with clear desire, but that desire doesn't make him feel like he has to be manipulative or play games.
I don't know how to explain it except that he has a respect for the women he courts that most single guys do not. Maybe it's that he has less to fear from rejection, so he doesn't have to mentally dehumanize women as a coping mechanism. And this is a feature I see in most poly men, and have seen emerge in men as they fall into poly.
Actually - I'm going to ponder the 'able to respect women more bc they have less to fear from rejection' idea more, personally.
That alone may be a big part of their appeal, because a lot of the threat that women have to navigate when being courted is how to safely disengage if a promising flirtation turns sour. There is a lot more enthusiasm to explore or move fast when you are free to say no without fear of a possibly violent meltdown.
And poly guys aren't going to meltdown. They are ok with a no, they are emotionally braced for that and have been through worse feelings already. And they have other relationships to fall back on.
You make an excellent case for mentorship in all this. Thank you for that. Upon reading all this, it never dawned on me that was even how anyone navigated poly.
But it also seems to be a crucible for learning how to negotiating needs and figuring out how to talk about it openly with each other to build connection - and that process both requires and builds respect for your partners.
I can say, with confidence, that even if one completely fails to leave the hypothetical realm with their monogamous partner, the thought-exercise alone carries some of these benefits. Polyamory forces the need to do some hard work, but there's no need to actually go there when hypothetical scenarios are just as provocative. In fact, it might even function on some level for platonic relationships, where sharing time with others is a concern.
At first, it uncovers things like jealousy, envy, and co-dependence. So you hit the books - all the poly literature out there lays out how to navigate these common issues. For the rest there's psychotherapy, which is probably needed to grow as individuals, since all those toxic behaviors are usually rooted in trauma. From there one can become stronger, and hopefully so does their relationship(s).
And poly guys aren’t going to meltdown. They are ok with a no, they are emotionally braced for that and have been through worse feelings already. And they have other relationships to fall back on.
This never occurred to me. Thank you for this invaluable insight.
like one youtubers i used to follow, there are someone for everyone. even killers/serial killers have a partner of some sort, despite knowing that they are murderers. not good looking, but have a very fun or attractive personality. the common thing that steers people away, is being broke(although not always the case), hygiene and dressing well seems to be a major one.
men with pets often gets attention too, it makes you look less creepy and more of a normal person and a potential parent.(thats why there are so many thirst traps of men(although they are already attractive) pet animal videos, like with the dodo.
That's how I found my wife. She was very impressed with my love and care for the last living dodo, which I keep safe from extinction solely for selfish purposes.
dodo the youtube channel.
my dodo does not use the internet
What brand of safe do you keep the dodo in? I have a thylacine that dashes for the door whenever I come and go.
the youtube channel
In this case a cage made of the coldest iron, same as I use for my wife.
Pardon, but it smacks of weird defensiveness that you feel the need to bring up that serial killers often have intimate partners as some kind of counterpoint to the fact that men who figure out how to respect women's boundaries are highly sought as partners.
Serial killers likely find partners by being manipulative and playing mind games - ie, being psychopaths.
Clearly the evidence that men who respect women have major success fostering reliable and enjoyable relationships with them is somehow highly threatening to a lot of guys.
Something has to immediately be said that instead says "but not respecting women also works." Followed by crude red pill thinking - "And aren't all women dumb bc some seem to like danger? And also, women are superficial, so pretend to like a puppy bc that works a lot."
I know media has taught men that masculinity is basically defined by being able to disrespect women and think of them as winnable objects but --
Mentally healthy women aren't falling for that shit. And you guys hate the baggage that the traumatized ones have who are insecure enough fall for that crap.
You could give up the machismo to try.. respect and growing into someone who could be happy?
Did anyone rise think this was about folks who use a paid version of Linux?
As someone left of Mamdani, why should my choice of Linux distro prevent me from having a loving feline pet?
Enterprises don't get pets. Why else would you use RH?
$ cat companion
Command 'cat' not found
Bunch of em are probably on Grindr with each other
if every conservative woman hitched with every conservative man they would be 84% in a relationship.
but many conservative men are unpalatable even to conservative women
it's almost like being conservative comes with almost inherent traits that make someone undesirable as a partner. lack of open mindedness, critical thinking, any form of emotional maturity...
there's a reason many conservatives in dating apps hide their beliefs. they know its a red flag for many more things than their "politics".
I mean, ya gotta be careful. Are they conservative because they are lonely, or are they lonely because they are conservative
I suspect that women aren't dating conservative men, not because they want to punish them, but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.
It's a pretty bad spiral. Lonely men develop more extremist views, which makes them less attractive to women, which makes them lonelier, and they get even more extremist views, etc.
Like, if you lined all of the single men up who vote against women's rights, and asked an equal number of women to sacrifice their own happiness to date them, a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human. But who is going to give up their own happiness to fix some broken asshole stranger? Very few people.
There are a lot of progressive men that are lonely. I'd say, I fall under that category. And woof, dating as a progressive man ain't no walk in the park.
Good. There are values and traits that should not procreate.