[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

Ugh this shit makes me so MAD!! I'm sorry you had to experience that, and I'm proud of you for recognizing the warning signs and leaving.

Yeah sure, it's not all men, but it sure seems like all women (that date men) have dealt with this garbage to the point where they have to constantly be on the lookout for these same shit. And these guys know that it's a problem, so they hide it and each flag you see isn't necessarily red (cause maybe he's just oblivious/misinformed/joking/whatever), and you need to keep a list of these maybe-problems and make a determination if is the one that means all these other things were actually red flags. Also - everyone is excited and thinks their partner is the best at the beginning of a relationship, and it's hard to identify a red flag when you're wearing rose-colored glasses.

"Schrodinger's douchebag" is the guy who says something problematic, then decides whether it was a joke depending on the reaction he gets. Women collect a bunch of Schrodinger's red flags, that only become glaringly red when you already know the guy's a dick.

I'd HIGHLY recommend the book "Why does he do that" for both men and anyone who dates men. The author works with abusive men, and discusses the root causes of the problematic behavior that so many women experience. TL;DR: Men have deep-seated expectations for how their partner should behave and make them feel, and deviations from those expectations are met with anger. I'm not abusive, but reading it helped me identify similar thought patterns that I had, and I'm a better partner for it.

I think there's a seed of truth in "fuck all men" since all men ARE exposed to problematic worldviews and the "traditional" set of expectations for a relationship are patriarchal. Yes, there are exceptions, but "men" as an abstract group hold those views, and FUCK those guys.

I just want to say that your break up line was just excellent. Chef's kiss

As a guy I sometimes want to bash some dumb heads over with a big pole... And on the other hand, in a bizarre turn of events, I'm strangely "glad" that so many men don't know shit about basic decency and manners (and hygiene and what else women have to endure during dates) - that leaves a lot of nice and successful dating opportunities to the better part of the male population!

Bad joke, I know, the topic has too many dark aspects. Take all that with apologies for all the shit that comes from toxic "manhood" - there's too much misogyny, aggression and violence from frustrated men. My mother was subjected to that, and her children suffered a lot from her violent partners. I've seen it, and I hate it, and in that way it helped me become more sensitive to the female side of my life.

Besides that: There's a lot of good stories regarding dating and relationships. I see dating as an adventure where I get to know interesting people - and interesting can be anything, the nice and the not so nice parts of the world. At least the guy showed you his true colours early in the game so there's not much time lost (I'm a very practical guy, can you tell?). Take your time to shake off the experience, and then start dating again. It somehow is a number game - you don't have to kiss all the frogs in the pond to find an appropriate partner but staying at home won't definitely help find one.

At last an advice from experience (by female friends and by myself): Have sex as early as suitable and as possible when dating and "check the goods". Sex is one of the core aspects of a relationship (in my eyes it's the core aspect), and even the nicest guy will not satisfy your needs longtime (!) if the sex is stale or boring or one-sided (I could tell a lot of bizarre stories from female friends about their experiences with that) - and that can make the relationship stale or boring or one-sided. And please don't try to "fix" any guy in that regard (especially when he is immune to real improvements on his side) - it may turn out that "fixing" wastes your time and your energy, you already have heard that warning.

Have fun :)

What a total dick. I'm sorry that happened to you and I completely understand how you feel.