The Onion

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submitted 2 years ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website to c/theonion@midwest.social

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago

I wish them a swift reunion.

[–] GammaGames@beehaw.org 19 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Poor guy, hope he sees them again soon 🙏

[–] aeronmelon@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago

"Your friends are right on the other side of that window, go say hi."

[–] OurTragicUniverse@kbin.social 10 points 2 years ago

Perfect thumbnail for the title! The Onion doesn't often make me laugh that hard but this got me.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It must be like that movie Final Destination. He must be terrified!

...probably why he literally shit his pants.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What's with the pants shitting?

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Idk, maybe he just does it for fun? Seems like a pretty messed up guy...

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It's the colon cancer.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Could be both.

[–] Justas@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It would be so funny if his friends that die actually all got killed by inept CIA agents who are trying to kill him instead.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 4 points 2 years ago

Or if it's like Tucker and Dale vs Evil, where he looks extremely guilty, but they're all genuine accidents.

[–] Nacktmull@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Oh no, the poor guy!