this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2024
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Up until I started working, I didn't really encounter that question. When I did start working, people started asking me that question.

Them: Where are you from?

Me: Canada.

Them: Where are your grandparents from?

Me: Canada.

Them: Ok, where are your great grandparents from?

Me: Canada.

It's irritating sometimes. I just want to exist, do my job and go home, like anyone else. Once is ok, twice is odd, three times is weird, and the fourth time is a pattern.

The only accent that I might have would probably be from Newfoundland, Canada, as I grew up with a lot of people from there. I also talk too fast sometimes.

Have you had similar experiences, and if so, how did you handle it? Can fast speech patterns cause this? Why do random people care so much?

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[–] yenahmik@lemmy.world 91 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Asking where you are from is pretty normal conversation, especially if you have a noticeable accent. Asking where your parents/grandparents/etc are from is less common. Are you by chance not-white? Sometimes these sorts of questions have a race element to them

[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 37 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, asking where someone's from is completely normal but asking where their parents/family is from automatically sets off some racism red flags

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[–] Shampoo_Bottle@lemmy.ca 22 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I think I look pretty white, tbh

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 18 points 10 months ago

Well you either look or sound funny/different. I'd say since you get asked about grandparents etc it's not sound, so you don't look local Canadian.

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[–] fubarx@lemmy.ml 81 points 10 months ago (3 children)

This is often a proxy for a different question.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 37 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And that question is "why isn't your skin the same colour as mine?"

[–] phanto@lemmy.ca 10 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Well, if he's from Canada (as I am, no hate!), the answer is "We get like 4 hours of sunlight per day here." I wear shades to block the glare of my own reflection in the snow.

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[–] chicagohuman@lemm.ee 12 points 10 months ago

It's also a form of othering. You are different and they are establishing why

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[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 52 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

they're trying to figure out your race or whatever

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 28 points 10 months ago (3 children)

He says in another comment that he's a white newfie, so, doubtful, unless he now lives in like, Kolkata. More likely, he has a slight accent or is just upset about small talk.

As a white guy myself, ~~white~~ all kinds of people constantly ask things like "where you from," in the same cadence of "nice weather we're having, huh?" It's a part of getting to know people, what's your name, where you from, what kind of music you into, etc. I don't think they're trying to find out if I am originally of Saxon or Angle stock, I think they're just trying to make small talk.

[–] tyrefyre@sh.itjust.works 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I would agree with you in when they ask where you’re from. Once they start asking where your parents and grandparents are from they’re trying to figure out your race. I also agree with you as a white guy I don’t usually get extra probing but there are a few, mostly older, that are trying to figure out what specific type of white. It occasionally ends with a comment about how some group isn’t really white even though they have light skin.

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[–] kent_eh@lemmy.ca 10 points 10 months ago

That's exactly what it is.

Light haired white people don't generally recieve this type of question.

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[–] AlternateRoute@lemmy.ca 44 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Sounds like the correct answer to the question is Newfoundland, if it isn’t the accent it is probably some regional colloquialisms.

When someone asks me where I am from I normally say the city / province. I would never answer Canada while I was in Canada having the conversation.

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Exactly, that's just a weird non social answer

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[–] Thalion@lemmy.ca 43 points 10 months ago (1 children)

They're either making conversation or racist, depending on context. Answering the country you're from if you're currently in that country is pretty odd.

[–] stembolts@programming.dev 23 points 10 months ago (4 children)

But that is the answer to the question. I'm not understanding the alternative. If the person wants to ask, "What race are you?" They should ask using those words.

I can't recall a time ever needing to know anyone's race. So I've never asked this question in 50 years, but perhaps one day? Idk, seems like a potentially insensitive question.

[–] rbn@feddit.ch 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't think being interested in the (ancestors') race of a co-worker is necessary racist. I worked with people with all kinds of cultural backgrounds and it might be just an interesting topic to talk about. If someone has family in Iran, Senegal or Indonesia that's definitely more interesting to me than a conversation about weather or last night's football game.

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[–] Zealous@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago (2 children)

As a mixed third generation immigrant, I get this a lot. In my experience, most people want to know my ethnicity, but for some reason they never ask me that directly.

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 12 points 10 months ago

Yeah but that’s a somewhat sensitive topic. Asking for the region of origin might mean the same thing in practice, but asking someone what "breed" they are is very inappropriate.

[–] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Because it's none of their business and it's a tad racist, and they know racism is bad but they don't want to look as bad people.

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 9 points 10 months ago (4 children)

It's not racist to be interested in where somebody is from.

[–] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 7 points 10 months ago

It is if you assume that someone is from somewhere else because they don't look like you.

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[–] eezeebee@lemmy.ca 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's not racist to ask about ethnicity.

It would be racist to ask about ethnicity and then discriminate based on the response.

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[–] calypsopub@lemmy.world 28 points 10 months ago (3 children)

So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. "Oh, you're from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?" Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don't show any curiosity about them.

[–] monsterpiece42@reddthat.com 6 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.

Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).

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[–] PowerCrazy@lemmy.ml 27 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Why would you say Canada? Is Canada homogenous from coast to coast? If I'm talking to people and getting to know where they are from zero of them say "america," because that doesn't give any information whatsoever, what do you even expect them to respond with? "Wow I'm from canada too!"

[–] limitedduck@awful.systems 38 points 10 months ago (2 children)

The follow up question could have been "where in Canada", but it decidedly wasn't

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[–] eatthecake@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm a white Australian and I get asked this all the time. Mostly they're just trying to make conversation and since most people at work are migrants it's a natural conversation starter. Sometimes they are looking to remind me that the only real Australians are the indigenous peoples and I am, therefore, British. This what you get labelled if you say your background is English/Irish lol. My favourite was being called British by a mixed German/Brazilian who insisted he was Spanish.

In countries with a lot of immigration and diversity I think it's natural for people to talk about this. I like hearing about what life was like for people in Tibet, or Myanmar, Eritrea, Cook Islands etc. I don't think it carries the same level of racist connotations as it used to. How are we supposed to have cultural exchange if we can't talk about our backgrounds?___

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[–] MrFunnyMoustache@lemmy.ml 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's just a standard office getting to know you small talk thing. You'll get used to it.

FYI, they were looking for you to actually talk and engage with them, not a one word answer. Tell them what part of Canada, that your family was part of the Canada-US wars and locked the US's. And most importantly, ask them something in return...

[–] tja@sh.itjust.works 20 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Skating it once might be standard. But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Maybe, but they were probably thrown off or annoyed by his weird one word answer. Replying "Canada" when you're in Canada is just strange.

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[–] lamabop@lemmings.world 16 points 10 months ago

Yea but where are u from?

[–] Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml 14 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

After the second time you should just respond "don't overthink it"

[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 11 points 10 months ago

I've watched a lot of Canadian TV and worked with a lot of Canadians and the Newfy accent is pretty distinct, even in Canada. If you've just got a touch of it you might sound vaguely Irish or Scottish. That would explain why people are asking where you're from.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.mindoki.com 11 points 10 months ago

I'm swedish and living in France and I get that question a lot (but not about my parents/grandparents wtf?)

If cute girl: you have to guess! Then get very fake outraged if she says Germany etc. Friendly banter ensues.

Otherwise it's just people who want to chit chat with you so just roll with it and expect the classic jokes (for me it's IKEA, Volvo, surstrΓΆmming...).

[–] mkwt@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

I have a long time friend who complains about this kind of behavior. Friend is a Creek Indian living in the Muskogee Creek Nation in Oklahoma. That's about as native-born and indigenous as you can get.

Unfortunately, her skin is somewhat less than lily-white, and that just seems to bring out the dumbasses.

[–] SVcross@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (3 children)

So, Sam, where are you from?

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[–] davel@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Why are you asking us instead of them? Surely they would know.

[–] ULS@lemmy.ml 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Oh

"Wait, where am I now!? Where are we!?"

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[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I was created within the bounds of the milky way galaxy.

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Anyone who’s asked you four times where you’re from is not paying attention.

[–] MufinMcFlufin@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

I would imagine they're trying to ask what someone's ethnicity is but forgot the word for it.

[–] FoxyFerengi@lemm.ee 6 points 10 months ago

I get asked this a lot, because my accent is dissimilar from the area I live now. I think if people were more familiar with the area I'm from, they'd ask where my parents are from because my accent and terms are a weird mix of the two places.

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Where are your great great grandparents from?

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[–] idiomaddict@feddit.de 6 points 10 months ago

Newfoundland has a very particular accent, do you speak with a strong accent?

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