Transfem

Who do you need to be good enough to? You are good enough as you are. If you want to change/improve anything about yourself, do it because you want to. Check if you can find support groups and/meetups in your area. Maybe try volunteering at places where they don't care about things like this. Don't get these things get to your head. You don't have to pretend everything is great. You can choose to ignore these things and seek more fulfilling things that go beyond your physical characteristics.

I stumbled here from browsing all, and want to be open that I'm a cisgender male; I don't want to come off like I'm misrepresenting myself.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the adversity and prejudice you've experienced.. it's heartbreaking...

As others have said, you have many accomplishments to be proud of. I think it's impressive. Even if you're feeling weak, you clearly aren't a weak person to have accomplished what you have, let alone in the face of adversity.

I've just gone back to school to work on my counseling masters, and my professor tonight was drilling home the essential need for a sense of community and support. If there are relevant support groups near you, I would highly encourage you to join one. The fact that you're posting here is great.

I don't know you, but I care about you. You say you feel like giving up, and that can mean many different things. Sometimes that means giving up on living, and I want to share these international resources with you (and everyone else here) if you ever feel like taking your life.

I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for you or others in this community. But I sincerely empathize with you and I wish I could be there for you. If you are in the US, there are warm lines in many states that have individuals trained to be supportive listeners. Here is NAMI's helpline directory.

I understand I'm out of my element and that this may come off as out of touch and like putting a band-aid on a bullet hole. But my heart genuinely goes out to you because I can feel pain in reading your post, and this is the only way I know how to help.

I really hope you don't give up. I mean that as sincerely as I can be. You sound like a determined, strong and tenacious person to have done everything you have. I hope I can be that strong and accomplished.

I think you're awesome, your parents were wrong and your coworkers are a bunch of hateful idiots.

Keep strong, focus on the good things and on yourself and regards to your car!

I'm tired of living in a world that doesn't want me, that I'll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I'm never going to be good enough.

Here in the States, I've discovered it's more that society isn't good enough for us. Our teachers, ministers, officials and yes, even our care providers expect us to give 110% and fix ourselves from within and be categorically useful while still half-assing their own jobs and providing poor service, themselves.

I deal with suicidality daily, and the Trump years and since have been just shitty all around. At the end of 2016, the general sentiment for the new year was It can't get worse. 2017 said hold my beer and then gawked at awe at 2018.

Then the epidemic and lockdown happened, and I'm struggling to get professional care, myself. And in a holding pattern until I do.

Right now, my effort is to check in with my peers, and remind them they aren't failing in a harsh society, rather the society is failing, and is not even providing consistent standards we might strive for. It's why the alt-right and Christian nationalists are gleeful to leave the rest of us to the elements in desperation to find a place to fit in.

You are beautiful and and valid and worth more than the crap this society spews out like so much industrial soot. You deserve so much more than the dystopian late-capitalist hellhole we live in. And there are others out there, also deserving, who wonder if it's all their own fault.

Sounds like you have a lot to celebrate actually.

You've mentioned your accomplishments, they're something to be proud of.

But one of the hardest things in life to learn and accept is that we each have to be enough for ourselves, regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does. I also struggle with this, but I've seen the truth of it.

Even if the whole world was against you (but we're not). The instant you base your worth on the opinions of others, you are setting yourself up to fail. Sometimes they'll love you, sometimes they'll hate you, mostly they will be indifferent. Is that where you want to be?

That's not to say you should go through life alone. You absolutely need a strong support network -- like all persecuted minorities, we need allies. That sounds like the final missing piece for you. First take a moment to recognize and appreciate allies you might already have, don't forget them in despair; and then work on expanding your network.

As for the toxic people in your life, don't give them the pleasure of bringing you down. Rise above and eclipse them, you got this <3

You did so well, and I’m really proud of you. I don’t know how you can change your situation. There are people out there who are able to see and appreciate your achievements but I get that it’s really hard to find them. Tbh most people suck but you are awesome and deserving of love ❤️

There's not so much that some stranger on the internet can say that you don't already know.

Professional help to work through feelings of inadequacy might be useful if you can swing it. As I'm sure you're aware you are probably holding yourself to expectations you wouldn't dream of inflicting on others, someone/someone's did that to you and it'll take work to undo it.

Life has brutual periods, and softer ones. Nothing's over till the end and there's a lot of beautiful things even amongst all the hardship. I have found Albert Camus's thoughts/absurdism in general useful for contextualising suffering and understanding why I want to continue personally, maybe you would too?

I've been sober since 2020 as well. Addiction and recovery are under-discussed aspects of trans experience that can be very isolating. I don't have any clear answers to offer, life is complicated and finding a reason to live it is hard and there's no manual. I just empathize with feeling that way and want you to know you're not alone and it is possible to heal. Be patient with yourself. Focus on your day to day life, on your routine and meeting your own needs. And it is worth it to talk to someone professional. They'll be able to offer a lot more help.

If your parents say "you're not good enough", that's emotional speech.

And emotional speech says more about the speaker than anything else.

So much to unpack here...

First off your reason and point will be different than mine, and different than most other peoples. Truthfully you are the only person who can define what the point is for you.

So... that said, it sucks because when you are depressed and struggling defining your own reason for being is very difficult. In the last year I have had a struggle with myself over my value, I have frequently felt like nothing I do is good enough for my co-workers, partner, or friends. I have felt like even when I get a win, its wiped off the table by a loss and the losses never get wiped from the table so they just keep building.

So, I got a new therapist who specializes in trauma, because all trauma is trauma. Your body cannot tell the difference between a gun shot wound, and people talking harshly about you behind your back but within ear shot. It reacts the same, and releases the same chemicals. If your body is depressed, and hurting then that is where I would start. There are no degrees to trauma, and no ones trauma means more or hurts more because its all the same.

You have clearly gone through some challenging times and have moved mountains to support yourself and who you are, and it sounds like you may have a few physical and emotional scars from that journey.

For right now set aside the big question of what is the point, find someone to help you heal the scars, and then when you are centered and ready ask the question... I bet by then you will realize that you always knew the answer but you just could not hear it internally over all the pain and struggle.

cis white male who is proud of you for reaching out even if its "just" on lemmy. Your friends and allies are out there, try to get help its worth it. If life was bingo my card would look like a winner (and it honestly is) but trauma is the same for everyone and mine is/was as real as yours is, and it had me in a similar place asking the same questions. Therapy and some chemical support have turned things around in the last 3 months, but its been a 40 year journey.

You are more than what the worst people in your life see you as.

Everybody else has said the obvious about therapy and support, so, have a little more sympathy instead of more of the same advice. I know what it feels like to never feel good enough. It sucks like there aren't even words for, and I'm sorry you're going through that.

Have a hug from an Internet friend, and remember it's not your fault. You did everything right, and meanwhile the world went and got worse.

Work doesn't define you, and coworkers don't have to be friends. Work is what you do to fund your real life. Coworkers are people you tolerate as briefly as possible and forget about as soon as you can. If you're not getting paid, they can see themselves out of your mind entirely.

Hey friend. More CIS love. Wanna play some games on steam some time and talk it out on disc?

I don’t think I have anything helpful to say, but I want you to know the world does want you. The climate for trans people is really bad right now, but that’s temporary, and most people don’t agree with it. Most people have no problem with trans people. It’s only the loud and annoying bigots that make it feel like the world is against trans people. Progress will happen, though, and eventually the bigots will be drowned out.

You're worthy of friendship. You could have some great friends. Probably not gonna meet them at work. I can't give much advice, I'm pre-HRT, pre-work and education, looking at a similar path that you have taken and hoping I can achieve the things you've achieved. Take it easy on yourself, look what all you've done and find people you can relate to and whose company is a gift to yourself.

hey there, i stumbled over your post yesterday and didn't feel like answering which ticked me all day. i have no real help for you but (as others have said before) you definitely have to seek professional help (even If you already have).

have you thought about doing something completely different to meet other people? Something like going to concerts of band of your preferred genre or something like this. this light be a way to meet other people who light not judge by the things that you've been through (...) but the person you are right now. i have no idea If this was the wrong advice but i hope you can find people that love you like you should be loved.

If you want to chat with some completely stranger feel free to DM me ( or lets call in whichever medium you want to talk)!

some love from germany <3

I’ve maybe felt what you’ve felt in the past. Still feel it a bit now, but much less so. Finding community you feel very confident supports you is hard. It’s tough to have faith it can be found when you’ve only ever ended up let down by the people you’ve surrounded yourself with.

It’s kind of random, but rock climbing helped me so much with that. If you’ve got a local gym and you’re in the US, there’s a decent chance it has an LGBTQ+ meetup. Queer climbers are, in my experience, some of the most accepting, diverse, helpful, inclusive people on the planet. Cheering for anyone of any shape, size, and climbing ability just because they are on the wall challenging themselves. Some climbing gyms definitely can have some bad (particularly toxic masculine) vibes, but if you pick your day/time right you can often dodge the gym bros. Most gyms have youth and adult classes and generally the hardcore members avoid these times, so honestly it can be worth going at those times, plus you can conveniently “overhear” instructors to pick up some advice.

My gym is my chosen family at this point. I now coach there and I’m helping foster a space a bunch of baby gays come climb in and they get to see real life queer people having lives past the age of 20.

It’s seriously a beautiful place.

I don't have any specific advice for you but I want you to know that you're loved, valued, and wanted, even if just by random internet people (but I'm sure there are people in your life who feel this way about you even if they don't say it outright).

Things are gonna turn out better, even if it takes some time. Take it one step at a time, day by day. You've done so much already, and it takes a strong, resilient person to go through the things you've been subjected to.

I wish you the best. You can do this.

There's no inherent point for the individual beyond having a good time. Worrying about what you deserve isn't a helpful approach. It's rare that people get what they deserve in any sense, as there is no such thing as value beyond what we assign. You, like all people, deserve to thrive and live without unnecessary suffering. However, what you deserve isn't what you have.

It sounds like you would benefit most from spending time with other people. Humans are psychologically programed to need eachother, which is inconvenient in some respects. Relationships risk emotional harm, yet we are miserable without them. However, the greatest joys often come from the time we spend with others.

Socializing is like food and water for us. It's a basic need. Like so many other needs, modern society sucks at delivering that need to everyone. Thanks to economic and political incentives, people don't have what they need. Knowing the context doesn't necessarily make it easier to find community, but it reminds us to not blame ourselves. Survival is a struggle, but it could totally be easier.

I cant answer for you but to me personally, is to get as much great experiences with psychedelics. I wouldnt essentially recommend it to others since it's quite unresponsible but personally I love it

Please, please, seek professional help! You don't deserve to feel this way and therapy and medication can make an incredible difference. Things are really shitty for you right now and I can hear my past self responding "why bother? Therapy and medication won't improve the facts my situation" and that's true but they can help you not feel as bad about them, cope with them, and overcome them. If you have any questions or need help getting started please feel free to dm me. Or even if you just ever want to casually chat

I've absolutely been there and it sucks when you do things that should improve things and can be proud of and you just can't. It feels awful and that makes it even harder to eek out any enjoyment out of life and therapy and medication can and probably will help break that cycle.

I really don't know how to help you through a situation like that especially since I am not trans and your experience is likely very different from mine

However, I've found it really helps to have something to blame. It probably is not healthy but it directs all the indignation and frustration towards an easy target and makes it more manageable. I also found that it transforms a lot of my depressive emotions into more angry emotions which I personal handle better. I can take that anger and use it as motivation where I'd otherwise rot in bed. For me that easy target is capitalism and the bourgeoisie.

Obviously this is no substitute for meaningful connections with other people and isolation will eat at you regardless but for me it was a step in the right direction. As others have mentioned, therapy is probably a good idea. The advice I've given from my anecdotal experience might not work for you at all and could even hurt you but it's the best I had. Therapy is your best bet if you can afford it