this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
340 points (93.4% liked)

The Onion

4252 readers
832 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
all 33 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 57 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

Where's the link?

Update: The headline is all there is

I'm going to write one:

"No, seriously, it's really good" insists Erin Mitle, a 34-year old home designer.

When asked what, specifically, Erin enjoyed about the new album The Tortured Poets Department, Erin said that she had listened to the new album nearly half a dozen times happily and was "totally convinced" that it was Swift's most talented work.

"It's even better than Lover", said Erin very quickly, before taking several deep breaths. "Even though obviously, that's like, crazy," she added.

While Erin was able to recite every song title and track length from the new hit album, as well as detailing each social media Easter egg leading up to the album's release, we were unable to nail down exactly what she liked about the album.

"Everything! I said everything! Look, if you don't like it or her music isn't for you, whatever, but I love it and she is so real."

Erin nodded her head in rapid succession along with her enthusiastic praise for Taylor.

"I don't know if you guys listened to Lover, but some of the lyrics from Tortured Poets Department are as deeply moving as Lover's title track's line "magnetic force of a man". God what a perfect line. Even though, duh, Tortured Poets Department lyrics are even better."

When asked if the new album was actually called 'The' Tortured Poets Department, Erin said she was going to call up her friend to discuss the album and had no further comments.

Ms. Mitle immediately left the room, leaving her phone between us on the coffee table, and has not returned to her own home in the last 40 minutes.

We're going to let ourselves out.

[–] nightofmichelinstars@sopuli.xyz 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 months ago

You know it's real news when they run away

[–] drislands@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago
[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This also happens with gay people and beyoncé

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What, they forget to post links?

[–] Jomega@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago

You're supposed to post a link to the article, not a screenshot of the headline.

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 12 points 5 months ago
[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

Suffering can be silent. Ask your strong, independent female friends if they're okay.

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

It puts the Taylor on the Bluetooth or it gets the hose!

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

She's got a lot of good / great songs in her repertoire. You'll find something you like.

Edit: I watched her documentary before I really got into her music. I think that's a great starting point.

[–] NOT_RICK@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I like death metal and gangster rap. I can appreciate that she’s a talented musician but none of it does anything for me

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

As a fellow enjoyer of heavy/extreme music, I appreciate a well-written song in any genre, and I'd say her talents are far more along the songwriting vein. She's a reasonable musician, but her ear for hooks and her lyricism are far more remarkable than her musicianship.

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

If anything, you might like Cardigan. I've enjoyed metal and some rap most of my life, and I find that those are more about the lyrics than the melody (but obviously the melody matters). Cardigan is one of her best lyrical songs, IMO.

[–] SiegeRhino@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago (6 children)

I like synthwave remixes of anime title themes and 90s songs covered in the Mario 64 soundfont, which Taylor Swift song do you recommend?

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You can never go wrong with the classic Trouble (Goat Remix)

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

My daughter and I had a blast karaoking this the other day.

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

If that's a serious question, I think Lover is her closest album to something like that. It's a pretty fun mix of modern electro-pop songs with some decent lyrics.

Disclaimer: I am far from a true swiftie and others might disagree with me

[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 months ago

1989 is very 90s melodic poppy synth.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

You might like Lavender Haze.

[–] NielsBohron@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

I wrote that Lover is the closest to synthwave, but that was before I listened to some of Midnights with my daughter in the car. Midnights is very synthwavey in a The Weeknd/Billie Eilish way. Probably you were just making a joke and aren't actually interested, but in case you are, give the whole album a listen. You might actually find something you like there.

[–] endhits@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

I've tried, and her music is fine but it's just not convincing enough to relisten, and absolutely nothing she's made justifies the cult like obsession from swifties.

As far as female pop singers go, I'd much rather listen to Purity Ring. Or any jpop/jrock outfit with a female singer for that matter.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You could always watch her documentary. If that's more your speed.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

I did. I enjoyed it.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago

As a not woman may I be the first to declare my opinion on Taylor Swift: meh