Allero

That calls for a monkey's paw

1. There's literally no more fat in your body. Your cells burst, you die immediately.
2. You're not able to gain weight, but you still lose it. Every time you sweat, breathe out, go to the restroom - you lose weight. In a matter of month or two, you die from exhaustion.
3. Now you can't buy groceries and really anything you want or need and are forever reliant on others to provide you with anything you didn't yourself produce.
4. The height increase is achieved by all your organs instantly extending, causing internal injuries and disabilities and now many physical stresses can kill you.
5. You're so strong you cannot adequately measure it, and have to be very careful not to break everything around you.
6. You're always happy. You're never able to grieve, or reflect, or do anything. You've lost any reason to progress, or even really sustain yourself. You die in bliss on the streets.
7. Followers are invading all of your personal life. They doxx you, follow you everywhere, try to document every moment of your existence. You cannot have peace and solitude ever again.
8. You forgot your ex. You also forgot every good moment in your life you ever had together, and are left wondering what is that void in your brain. You will never know what happened. But someone, somewhere out there who is your ex will.
9. Inflation came strong, and now everyone has millions upon millions of dollars. Too bad they're only worth a few rolls of toilet paper.

Self-hosting the survey form is an amazing cherry on top

Buy all you want, sell and you're fucked.

You're my good boy

I personally ruined that statistic. 15 minutes and noped out for the rest of eternity

You did such a frivolous spending you ended up causing massive disruptive inflation that destroyed the industry and the economy. Earth is now a much less friendly place to be.

Doesn't come with extra happiness. You just get to live a miserable life in dim hopes it will ever get better.

P.S. On a serious note, there is hope and a good life, I just extrapolated the situation by adding will to live in itself. You deserve all the best!

Every animal wants to come into your house to greet their friend

Most communities find it a violation and ban you, reverting your votes

...I mean, weren't the side effects already well-explored?

You can't die now, ever, not by accident, not by suicide. When you get bored of life, you cannot end it. You lose mental agility, collect all sorts of traumatic experiences, fall out with other people, and when they all die, you're still there - all alone, forever, in an unfriendly, cold, dark place, with no hopes to escape.

Doesn't come with super damage resistance or super maneuverability. You cannot instantly turn or stop, and one mistake will lead to you crashing into something to death.

They shine so bright that any time you open your mouth everyone around is blinded. You should always sleep alone in a dark closed room as to not wake everyone up.