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Sending good vibes to all of my trans comrades 
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
even more nsfw noodling ft sexual anatomy stuff, bit of trauma
Please don't ever think that there are no worms inside my goofy head. I still gotta get the trowel out now and then.What for? I've been pretty much staring at myself below the belt this past week, I have new thoughts and feelings about my clit to reconcile and process and think about. On its own this feels weird because I spent my teenage years really hating... that my anatomy did not conform to cis standards, honestly. I mean to be fair I do also dislike not being able to tuck and need to fix that, so young me was not totally stupid, but.
If you remember my last horrifyingly tmi post I was being funny about that one brainworm concept. For a split second however it became unfunny
I was asking myself 'Yes self, what if I want someone to put their hands on it, in that particular palm-first way? What if I find that enjoyable, huh? What if I like that for myself? What if I think the clit is kinda nice?? Not like I haven't been using vibrators on it for several years, what if it's not bad but good actually? What if I am not at odds with the ways I receive pleasure???'
Myself's answer was a little bit of reflexive revulsion. Not because myself disagrees, but because โจ enjoying ur own sexual anatomy during sex, the thing, the quack doctor said it โจ
I like me too much to let that get to me, but the fact I even had that reaction is like, wow. The worms go so fucking deep. Disrupted the peace I've been having in my head around this topic, which was unpleasant. And on top of all that I was hesitant to even write this post because of it, so I guess bad webzones got to me in some fashion. It's a battle which is annoying, even after all the time and processing I've spent, I still can't even think 100% clearly about my own body without anatomical pseudoscientific imageboard brainworms creeping in. It's an eternal work in progress I suppose.
Now that I think about it more, a lot of the bottom dysphoria stuff might well have come down to A) weird porn shit and B) all the awful shit with my ex and how that was. She did not see me in a healthy manner that was congruent with how I am now; she saw me as one of those dildos you suction-cup to a wall. Unsurprising that I would have bad vibes after that...
Also wtf stop upvoting my weird honry/sexual trauma mixture posts
probably tmi too
PEOPLE HAVE BRAINWORMS ABOUT THIS? Well damn never would have guessed. I mean I always kinda knew that wasn't a "normal" thing (for a guy) to want but I never felt bad about it. Just like, would a woman actually want to do that with me? Its only "supposed" to be attractive hard. ~~god trans sex is going to be so freeing~~
Death to weird porn shit and society for spreading porn brainworms around, honestly just the worst.
Also good to know you are recovering from that, sex brainworms are the worst and so is how your ex treated you.
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I can say emphatically yes. I think Fucking Trans Women has a bit about hardness and softness in this regard also.
Yeaw thank u
Shouts to my ex for putting all that shit on me, wasn't that fun honestly. Lot of problems with it. Happy to be past it.
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I will tryFTW absolutely does, great section, big fan.
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Uh I mean, it doesn't even get that fine-grained, like transphobes do not care about the erectile state of anyone transfem. The basic thesis they start from is that trans sexuality is deviant and wrong, ergo natal transfem anatomy is wrong. Any justifications and shit come later. That's why "autogynephilia" is just a broad, blanket pathologising concept that enjoying your body during sex at all in any way is bad. The point is that transfems existing and having sex is not okay to these people.It's a whole thing, and it mingles in really ugly ways with fetishisation as well.
spoiler hugely cursed fetishisation discussion nsfl probably It's kinda like, in the cultural consciousness transphobia could equally deride anyone transfem for having erections by calling them a pervert, or deride them for not by carrying on about genital atrophy. Many different conflicting ways to harass trans people, but also when you browse /d/ every fucking horny loser with a fetish wants a rough dommy mommy with a rock hard ten inch cock to size shame their tiny inadequate male peen before she penetrates them, you know. So it's like, the oppression exists to keep transfems from expressing themselves sexually, with any amount of autonomy, and the fetishization works with this and treats transfems as an object for male sexual gratification. Transmisogyny, I think.
God that made me kind of ill to type Idk. :::
Honestly gender is such a fuck, the way I feel about it changes too much for me to make a post like the above.
the fetishization thing
I have some how never heard that, huh.
Gender is a slippery fuck that changes and morphs, yeah =)
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It's pretty rare, I've only seen it from weird fucking US Marine sex tourists bodyshaming the sex workers they pay. Heavily cursed. Generally the tendency is to shame transfem sexual anatomy for existing in the first place.Aaaaa wtf don't quote my cursed posting aaa
I wish you had not heard of this, but alas and 
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Sorry, bad habit to make it clear what I'm talking about. Its not like I didn't know about it before. It uh, doesn't bother me much though, on a personal level. Probably will change as time keeps moving though. Maybe I just don't understand?spoiler
I was jokin' around you're ok