BountifulEggnog

I struggled with depression for a while as a teen. I was self harming (something I have sadly gotten back into), hopeless, all the things. Meds never helped, ketamine didn't help, ECT seemed to help? But the doctor thought I wasn't reporting my symptoms normally or whatever so I never was able to follow up and continue. He felt like it was some personality issue (I'm diagnosed with avpd, but now I feel autism + being trans explains it much better).

But these swings happen a lot. I've made some very impulsive purchases while feeling good and just hoped it would work itself out. But is that because I broke from my depression or because I was some flavor of manic? I think when I have one of my swings people are surprised how fast it is. Just like, the way they tend to respond ("oh I'm glad you're feeling a little better" but like no, I feel completely fine now, on my way to feeling great.)

The swings usually last hours or days, although like I mentioned when I was a teen I was very depressed for a while with basically no ups. I feel like I usually have a bad few days with some random ups, and then a few good days with some random downs (like once a day for a couple hours).

I worry the lows will kill me one day. I get intensely depressed, suicidal, and don't care about my life. If I had access to a gun I would kill myself with it, when I feel like that. Now though, that I'm feeling good? I feel hopeful, full of life and energy, like dying is the last thing I want to happen to me. And especially if things actually don't look good in life and I don't bounce back quickly... I just would.

But I'm not sure if I want to take bipolar medication either. I don't want to feel numb. This feeling of happiness is amazing, it fills me, I just want it to stay around. If my issue isn't bipolar, this could be my normal. But obviously if it is bipolar or something like it... then its not normal and the lows won't lift themselves.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions, my current thought is to keep pushing on transitioning and see if the lows clear up on their own. I honestly have no idea if what I'm describing is normal emotional changes or not. The lows I'm pretty sure are not normal, because they do get bad enough I'll self harm or not eat for a day. Anything to avoid them.

Permanent Mark on Record: Being fired for cause or marked as "ineligible for rehire" should follow you for the rest of your life and be treated the same as a felony conviction. This is a serious consequence that should make individuals think twice before engaging in misconduct or inappropriate behavior in the workplace.

No Excuses for Misconduct: Regardless of whether you feel your supervisor targeted you or if you believe there were mitigating circumstances, being fired for cause is shameful and should be treated as such. Excuses do not change the fact that serious misconduct occurred. The ONLY exception here is if you were laid off for purely financial reasons, in which case that's not a "for-cause" termination & you'd likely be eligible for rehire.

Equal Consequences for All: Just like how a dishonorable discharge in the military is equivalent to a felony, being terminated for cause should have serious, lifelong consequences. This applies to all forms of misconduct, including but not limited to sexual harassment.

Public Registry: Those who are terminated for cause or marked as "ineligible for rehire" should be placed on a publicly-accessible registry, similar to how the sex offender registry currently operates. This information can be used by prospective employers, friends, and family to make informed decisions about associating with the individual.

Loss of Rights: Individuals who are terminated for cause should lose their right to vote and bear arms, similar to the consequences of a felony conviction. They should also lose the right to both Federal and private employment, as well as recourse to any form of welfare or charity.

As only the opinion of the employer matters here, there would be absolutely no right of appeal for these consequences once the employee has lost their job, no matter the circumstances.

By implementing these consequences, we can ensure that individuals think twice before engaging in misconduct in the workplace and that those who do face appropriate lifelong consequences for their actions. During the pandemic, people have forgotten how to treat their employers with respect; this is one way we could fix that.

Quitting before about 3-5 years is unethical. Hiring is outrageously expensive and they haven't even gotten a positive ROI out of you yet.

Realistically in the first 6-12 months you shouldn't be taking any time off at all, no matter the reason.

Be grateful they gifted you the opportunity to interview at all.

Taking the job is understandable. Continuing to look is unethical. It's understandable in this permanently horrific job market why OP would accept the job, but that comes with the expectation OP ceases their search and commits long-term to this job.

r/ChoosingBeggars. Min wage is new normal for most jobs.

There's also a little bit of, you lost your job, you kinda have a debt to society to repay.

"What do I tell interviewers in the future when asked about this position?" The honest truth. Your boss didn't like you, so you were fired for cause.

A job is MORE than a marriage actually. You're spending more time with your job than your SO usually (unless you count sleep time... waking hours most definitely). Your job is paying all your living expenses. So yeah, it's deeper than a marriage.

Work's supposed to suck.

Quitting an internship is super shitty, paid or not.

Can't speak for UK but under US social norms, the leaving on short notice/before 3-5 years on the job would get you for sure blacklisted from that company for life, and likely from any other company too.

That is incredibly, horrendously unethical that you broke your commitment to not one, but two companies within ~3 months. People like you are why we need central, public do-not-hire registries.

Unpopular opinion but if an employer gives you the gift of a job in this economy, you absolutely owe them your undying loyalty and gratitude. This is the worst job market ever, perhaps worse than 1929, and it will never get better. If you've been with a company under 5 years, there is almost never a reason you should even be entertaining the idea of an interview with another company. If a recruiter reaches out you should pull the proverbial "sorry I have a boyfriend" card.