this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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chapotraphouse
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It's complicated. People on the east coast move fast and speak their minds. If they're mad at you they'll let you know. But at the same time, they can be very helpful and kind, they're just going to be assholes about it. I used to joke that you've finally adjusted to living in Philly when you can tell the difference between "I am going to stab you and then piss on your grave" fuck you and "hey do you want to come over for dinner and meet my mom" fuck you. It's a very aggressive, frank culture, but not necessarily a cruel one.
Meanwhile, down south, there's a whole system of intense social violence built around cruel courtesy. Folks will use phrases like "bless your heart" the way we use "Deeply unserious". Then go over to Texas and you tend to get genuinely, weirdly friendly people. Up in the Midwest folks are superficially polite but really extremely cold and distant. In California everyone's friendly but the stereotype is that it's a superficial friendliness that doesn't reach the eyes. This is, of course, all dependent on race, class, gender, and a dozen other factors.
Folks say there's no culture in the US, but there really is. Deep, complicated cultures with their own norms, problems, joys, dialects. And then you get in to PoC and other minority groups. Like, White Minnesotans have a totally different culture than Hmong Minnesotans, African American Minnesotans, or Somali Minnesotans. There's overlap, but also a huge amount of difference.
My dad had a girlfriend who would say "Bless their heart" in the most passive aggressive way possible.
So true though. I’ve lived here my whole life, but most of my coworkers are from other states. I’m the one that’s always convincing people to eat lunch with me instead of alone at their desks. It’s been fun getting all these dorks to open up and get to know each other.
I also enjoy occasionally sprinkling some leftist stuff into these lunch conversations. Nobody expects communism from the person with the yeehaw accent
I had a friend say people in California are "nice" in that they'll encourage you to find investors for your shitty idea, where people on the east coast will just tell you it's a shitty idea and save you the embarrassment.
That said, people in NY are some of the kindest i've met around the country. There's nowhere else where conversations in line happen as frequently. Trying that in other places has gotten me weird stares or ignored.
Odd, doesn't NYC specifically have the reputation, stereotype even, for being complete uncaring assholes who would just ignore and step over someone having a medical emergency on the street? I would have thought conversation in the grocery store checkout line being much more a thing on the west coast.
It only occurs in the bodega, a unique New York phenomenon.
San Francisco has Bodegas, mostly in North Beach
Sounds made up. New York is the only city in the world with corner stores that make sandwiches.
Yeah, it does have that reputation, but I think that comes mostly from movies and not from people who actually live there. Plus, New York is a bunch of different cities and communities mashed up next to each other.
No I think that honestly is extrapolated from people saying NYers are "assholes", as in direct and speak their mind. The other side of that coin is they're also willing to speak their mind positively or help someone out.