I swear to god, every time I'm exposed to heterosexual culture I walk away from it far more confused and concerned than I was expecting to. I keep preparing myself for greater and greater dissonance, but every time I still walk away from it having underprepared and feeling like a vulcan. Highly illogical.

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Me too. The problem is that I'm a cisshit. We seem incapable of forming healthy relationships. I'm especially baffled by heterosexual couples who get married and stay that way for decades while hating each other the entire time? Like what's with these grown-ass men not able to do basic chores? And why do women want to be their mothers? Is it a kink? An elaborate prank? I don't get it.

[–] Egon@hexbear.net 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

My mom and step-dad have been married for close to 15 years now and they're very happy together. I don't think it's at all impossible to have a healthy cis-het relationship, I really hope you're just being hyperbolic and that you don't think cis people are incapable of healthy relationships

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I think cishet people are prone to very gendered problems in relationships, and in general a lot of relationships from the outside do look terrible. But a lot of it is so normalised that it doesn't seem particularly shocking.

But then I talk to people in queer relationships and realise once you pull back the veil of normative gendered relationships there's a whole new layer of insanity and neuroticism in most people to deal with under that layer anyway.

[–] MarxMadness@lemmygrad.ml 17 points 3 months ago

"Healthy relationships" aren't free of problems, they're healthy because people put in work to maintain them, which includes staying on top of any long-term concerns and addressing new ones as they come up.

[–] Egon@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago

:yea: I agree with you on all that

[–] peppersky@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago

You really cannot underestimate how deeply ingrained marriage, having children and buying a house are into the average people's sense of how life is supposed to be lived. Add onto that the fact that our society is structured (or at least used to be structured) in a way that turned that way of life into the only "sensible" one. If community building outside of traditional family structures is an impossible thought, what else is there to life outside of those structures? Even if your marriage is disfunctional or even hateful, it still gives your life structure in a way that in our current society basically nothing else can.

Being able to take a step back and look at those structures and institutions not as god-given or obvious is an ability that the vast majority of people simply do not have.

[–] Diuretic_Materialism@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

And why do women want to be their mothers? Is it a kink? An elaborate prank?

I've been told it's a very rewarding experience and you feel a lot of love and affection for your children.

I have no interest personally but I see what others get out of it.

[–] EmoThugInMyPhase@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I can see why a woman may enjoy being motherly to her husband in some ways, but being motherly in the way where you clean up all his messes and remind him to wipe his ass and cook every day? Nah that’s just doing work for free for a man child lol.

[–] Diuretic_Materialism@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago

Oh I thought you were referring to being an actual mother, not mothering your romantic partner.

Idk I've honestly never cohabited with a romantic partner and at this point am not sure if I ever will. Feels like a bad idea if you have different standards of cleanliness.

[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 3 points 3 months ago

Probably some sort of embellished gender performance.

[–] Yor@hexbear.net 10 points 3 months ago

same. there are misunderstandings, unusual expectations, and many other things that become less and less familiar to me over time. I never really got it, but at this point it's starting to be like picking up a book in a language I don't speak

[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 5 points 3 months ago

I'm bisexual, but insecure about my weight and looks. Some people have made some offhand remarks that have had me wondering if I deserved dinner... Thankfully my partner is actually considerate of my self esteem, so that's less of an issue these days.