traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Actually, I just saw something to make me even more upset, why tf not post it if I want to. Very upsetting, don't read if you aren't ready for that, whatever.
suicide and self harm
Why the fuck is cutting not a method? Literally like a 3% chance. Why can't I just cut myself and bleed out. I love cutting, I want to die a mess, its literally perfect IF IT COULD FUCKING WORK. But it wouldn't. And, bonus upsetting thing about it, any failure would probably fuck me over forever in some way. Hit a nerve or muscle or some shit. Unlike other methods who's failure wouldn't really do that. Not that I have what I need for those methods either.god it would just be so good. I have sharps, I love blood, I love the feeling of cutting myself. What a way for me to go. But no, that's not actually how it works. Fucking, 3% chance. I'm in no way more able to do it then 97% of people who try.
edit: oh, but at least the shit I did the other day makes these feelings easier to deal with. less painful. Fucking love having open shit. How on earth could I function without cutting myself tbh.
spoiler
You suffer, then you die. I've suffered, can I move past it please? Step 1 is finished.spoiler
I've written notes before. I always struggled, because I didn't have the words to describe my suffering. It was unclear to me. Now, it is much clearer. I don't have a desire to write anything lengthy though. It isn't possible for them to understand anyway. When the time comes, I'll probably just write something short. Leaving without saying anything seems wrong. Something short and simple seems fitting. I've never liked saying more then I need to.Please stay safe.
spoiler
Eggy, just know we support you and if you really need assistance leaving your current situation please let me know, our mutual aid group is specifically for people that are in deep shit like this. Suicide isnt the way to go before trying other options, I was in your shoes before and I wouldn't have been able to help so many people if I had given in to those thoughts. You can be happy!spoiler
Life is truly suffering. We will all die before we know it. I try to remain vaguely optimistic as I take comfort in the fact that everything slips by already. All things change though, and there is some fleeting pleasure. Pay enough attention to reality and stop caring and pain and pleasure stop differentiating and it’s all absurd experience that’s kinda cool. Or so I’m told. I’m worried I sound like a prick but I’m miserable and think the buddhadharma is worth a shot when Its all pointless either way.You don't sound that way at all, you sound like you are trying to make me feel better. Thank you. I will try to stay safe.