this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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Been dumped, more than twice, immediately after crying in front of a woman. Make of that what you will.
I doubt that was it, but okay
Absolutely hilarious lack of self-awareness
...
That's fucked. If I was dating a guy and he cried in front of me it would make me happy to know that he feels safe being vulnerable around me. I would treasure him forever after that.
Not everyone is a good person.
This is absolutely the way to look at that level of intimacy IMO because that's how I view it.
The day my dad died, nearly 23 years ago now, was also the day that I knew I'd ask my wife to marry me.
It was a long illness and he was relatively young. We were living together and I had just sucked it up for 18 painful months. Never cried once.
Anyway the day came and I got home and just cracked when we went to bed. I just sobbed in the bed with her. Like a real, deep, deep sobbing.
She just held me and rubbed my hair and I will never, ever forget that.
Anyway about 8 months later I asked her to marry me and we're married over 20 years now and have a beautiful family together. I love her so much.
And my wife is exactly like you. But just sayin', in my experience, most women are not.
And I get it! No woman craves a weak man. No woman says to herself, "I wish my man was a sobbing pile of goo!"
Women want a strong man, a man that protects her from the slings and arrows of life. We can be those men and still cry. But it ain't easy.
These are generalisations and just aren't true.
On a similar note, my ex-girlfriend of two years was ranting about how men do not go to therapy. Then I mentioned that I do go to therapy, and been going from even before we met... and I will never forget the look on her face, she immediately stopped me mid sentence and told me she didn't need to hear about it.
She broke up with me the next week and said something like she didn't want to be with someone that goes to therapy, but rather one that went.
My sympathies for that rough experience. I hope you have a wider family and friend group that supports you taking care of yourself, and have or will find a better match of romantic partner.
thanks for your kindness, I did not have a support network back then but I do now after moving out to a new city
Happened to me in high school once. Haven't really been able to cry openly ever since.
I'm lucky I recently upgraded from a biannual sob to a quarterly sob. We'll see what that does for...
*gestures at everything*
Crazy thing is that I literally just connected that dot in this thread thinking out loud. I never once had the thought that expressing my emotions was unsafe, I just kind of took that feedback onboard and proceeded to not process grief for two decades.
Fuck, I can't remember the last time I cried openly. I know I HAVE in the last few years, but I can't remember when or why. Nothing romance related, but I just can't remember...
You're fine. I didn't cry for years, maybe a decade+. Not because of any macho idealism, I simply didn't.
Feels good when I do drop that oxytocin. That positive feedback led me to crying more often.
LOL, I'm not a whimpering mess, but I can let loose more easily, and that's a good thing.
So, three times?
At least
Or more. Didn't want to exaggerate, could only think of 3 lately. Been dumped a lot over 4 decades of dating.
But I've finally found the one! Took me that long to find a Filipino. (Guys, drop the American women, seriously, I'd never date one again.)