this post was submitted on 28 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 131 points 5 days ago (3 children)
[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 22 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Imagine his embarrassment when the charcoal just neutralizes all the toxic mountain dew and energy drinks in his guts, his ulcers heal, digestion improves and he feels better with more energy and then decides to go out and take up surfing, where he meets a nice girl on the beach and they hit it off and eventually get married and raise a bunch of kids, then BAM outta nowhere, 27 years later, hit by a truck.

[–] rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.world 33 points 4 days ago (2 children)

God that's so fucking awesome lol, what a hero

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] red@sopuli.xyz 2 points 4 days ago

The fuck, man?

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

He'd get faster results from eating really old watches.

[–] meowMix2525@lemm.ee 2 points 3 days ago

Nah he'd probably just lose all his teeth and bones if he did that

remember to guarnish the pizza in red 40