How do I tell someone that a mutual friend is trans without dead naming them? (beehaw.org)

submitted 9 months ago by Rekhyt@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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Context: I am visiting a high school friend. Another friend who we both knew in high school has posted some interesting things recently. This friend has changed their name, but the friend I am visiting is not following them and is not aware of their transition.

How do I bring up this friend without dead naming them?

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[-] apis@beehaw.org 16 points 9 months ago

Maybe best to ask the friend who has changed their name what they'd prefer you to do?

[-] Rekhyt@beehaw.org 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

To be clear, their transition has been quite public and there is no question of acceptance by this friend. It is simply a circumstance of lives going in different directions that these two people are not actively friends and there is not a safety question.

Edit: I see your edit and obviously this is an easy solution given infinite time, but tends to break the flow of conversation...

I know not all transitions are the same but is there a general rule for this sort of situation.

[-] solivine@sopuli.xyz 12 points 9 months ago

just use their old name once when introducing the new name

[-] ShaunaTheDead@kbin.social 7 points 9 months ago

Yeah this is the answer. It's okay to dead name when you're telling someone of a name change. After that, correct them every time if they don't use their new name.