this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2023
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[–] FierroGamer@sh.itjust.works 161 points 1 year ago (6 children)

I feel like the idea that women are otherworldly creatures instead of people and seeing someone being nice to their partner as "the man having tamed a female and convinced her to treat him well" has a lot to do with his problem.

I hate how much that is preserved socially, there's no good reason why that hasn't gone away at least a decade or two ago.

[–] Maalus@lemmy.world 44 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's learned helplessness. Once they get rejected 15 times in a row for being a weirdo or something similar, they start to think in that instead of either reflecting back on the experience and trying to be better, or looking elsewhere.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Simply going from zero self improvement to nonzero may not be enough. That’s why we call a situation like this a hole. A person in a hole needs to climb to get to ground level.

[–] umbrella@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

well yeah i get how you can start doubting yourself after that. sad as fuck.

[–] chaosppe@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Totally agree. I've been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it most definitely didnt involve me trying to tame her 🤣

It was just luck to meet. We both liked each other. That's literally it.

[–] ra1d3n@lemm.ee 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The important feat is making yourself into a person that the other person would like to have in their life and makes their life better.

[–] FierroGamer@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 year ago

Yeah, seeing them as a person seems like a crucial part in that equation.

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You started with "pspspspsps" and some snacks and you know it

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 year ago

Don't forget the flowers

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Where was there talk of taming women?

[–] curiousaur@reddthat.com 7 points 1 year ago

Right around when he referred to her as a "free masseuse".

[–] FierroGamer@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

There wasn't, that's what it sounded like to me, you're welcome to disagree, angrily if you feel like it.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

There wasn't. FierroGamer got way too many upvotes for his stupid comment.

[–] FierroGamer@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Cool! I didn't know I was getting good numbers. That's how I read the thing but you're welcome to disagree, I certainly don't read "convinced a woman to touch him gently" as someone recognizing the woman is a person who might've chosen to do so without convincing the same way she chose to rub his shoulders too.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 year ago

OOP is a 30yo forever alone virgin posting to 4chan, I think this kind of perception of women is par for the course. At least the outcome wasn't totally terrible and he walked away without offending anyone, probably the best we could hope for.

[–] insomniac_lemon@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It's possible they have harmful views but my coworker gets along with another person enough to be their life-partner might be what they mean but is not how people talk. Well, maybe they should (or otherwise say they don't gel well with others/intimacy) if it's so likely that people are going to jump to conclusions.

I'd assume that most misogynists would frame it by insulting the coworker/wife (at least in their post), not admitting how sad they are or that they cried and left.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

Yes. Being isolated is a result and a cause of strange views of other people.

It’s a positive feedback loop that one needs to accept massive discomfort — on the part of the re-integrating person and on the part of the normal people they’re re-integrating with — in order to escape.

Avoidance of disturbing others is a key part of men self isolating.

[–] yata@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It definitely reeks of incel energy, which is unsurprising considering the source.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah well that’s kinda what happens

[–] clearleaf@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Of course people want make this guy into ultra Hitler and blame the situation entirely on him.

[–] FierroGamer@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If it wasn't clear, I wasn't saying he's the most horrible person in the world but rather that his issue is most likely linked to the way he sees women.

I also could've sworn I made a point about it being a societal issue rather than just that individual's

[–] fosho@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 year ago

you were plenty clear. I have no idea what that person read.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Funny thing, how the words “blame” and “power” refer to exactly the same thing.