this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
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Sounds like you need to work on making better choices about the kind of men you date.
Oh I dated men and women, mostly men though. And they were pretty much all alike, shallow as bottle caps, only interested in getting their rocks off. That's how men are. So I did make a choice, to be celebate and live a solitary life, which was over 40 years ago and without the distraction of other people, I did pretty well for myself. I now have a house I'll never live long enough to see all the rooms in (not literally, of course) but, I do enjoy my own company better than having other guys around. I keep busy with other stuff, but that's just me. TMI.
As a recovering misanthrope myself, a quote that really changed my life was this (and please don't take it the wrong way): "If you go about your day and run into one asshole, that's the asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you're the asshole."
Glad to hear you're working on it, though. Sometimes the best solution is to just give on something you're trying to accomplish and rethink your approach from the ground up. It's not easy, and it can take a very long time, so I'd like to commend your integrity and strength of character for making that choice and wish you all the best for your recovery.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm a guy and definitely enjoy sex but I've been with my partner for almost 6 years now and can't imagine life without her. Sex is definitely not the primary reason I'm in a relationship, I'm in a relationship for companionship and to have a partner to experience life with. She's my best freind, even if we have sex sometimes.
I have emotions, I have a heart, many men do.
I'm sorry you had such a poor experience with men and relationships. It's not my place to speculate, but it sounds like you may have had some really harrowing experiences. It's good that you've found a lifestyle that makes you happy. Your first comment in this thread is really painful to read and makes me very sad. It's also not my place to debate with you about whether or not your comment is right/good, so instead I'll just share some of my background and why I feel pain when I read it.
I was absolutely raised to be "manly." My father, the Boy Scouts, popular media—all of it seemed like it was encouraging me to just "toughen up" and be strong. Nobody ever talked to me about feelings except anger. My dad was a great role model for anger. However, I was small. I was weak. I had allergies and asthma. I was sensitive and scared of violence. I cried easily. I was cuddly. It was very difficult for me to square what was expected of me with the reality of who I was, so for a long time I was just angry and numb and tried to hide.
I had a series of relationships where I failed to be emotionally present with my partner and rather than fixing it, I just emotionally whipped myself raw in front of them. I thought that punishment was the only way to be accepted. I finally met someone who showed me what it was to feel and helped me see a therapist. I was able to unpick a lot of the "manly" crap, and nowadays I'm pretty happy in my skin. I crochet with my partner. We talk freely and openly about our feelings. We call each other disgustingly cute pet names. We hold each other and cry when bad things happen. We both continue to go to therapy, and we're always looking for ways to improve and deepen our relationship.
For all of that, there's still the old raw spot in my mind. Inside of me, I'll always have that kid who just wanted a hug and instead got contempt and judgement. He was so lonely and miserable and felt like there wasn't anything nice in the world for him. He felt so confused and broken and wrong, because why couldn't he just be manly? Why couldn't he be a rock? That's the raw spot that your comment pokes for me. I suspect I'm not alone in that.
Having typed all that out, I guess I'll make one request. I don't know what exactly you went through, and I sure as hell won't invalidate it, whatever it was. All I'd ask is that you consider that there may be more than just sex and hate in the heart of the men you walk by. You don't have to be in a relationship or like men or want to be around them, but the world might seem like a bit better of a place for you.
As a man I concur, tried to scratch my back the other day and mistook myself hugging me, afterwards tried to fuck myself, only realizing that I‘m already fucking myself day to day
Like a dog chasing it's own tail
I think of it sort of like becoming a perfect self-sucking circle, and eventually disappearing up my own orifice (!). Kind of a goal of mine.
If I could fuck myself I wouldn't be wasting time here typing on online forums! Or really doing much of anything else either.
Who hurt you
The world, my friend. The world. SOB. Ok I'm over it. I don't really feel hurt at all, just disappointed that people are the way they are. Not that I don't like men, I do (being a gay man) but I see them for what they are. I've no delusions. I prefer my own company anyway - if I could "do" myself I would never date again. I'd become a solid self-sucking circle of self-contained self-centeredness. And maybe disappear up my own butt hole and then, THEN finally, then I'd find all the answers to life. Or something. I'm really rambling......
You are a man, do you see yourself that way too?
The craziest revelation about this whole chain is the fact that they have an issue which demonstrates that at least some men do want emotional attachments, so the entire point is invalidated.
It's hard in the gay community though, there are just as many people who want casual sex as in the straight community but since the supply and demand isn't limited the same way as heterosexual casual sex it seems like it's more akin to finding a needle in a haystack for them to get something meaningful.
Yeah I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't see my own shallowness. I can see how it happens, I was raised with brothers, I saw how sexualization becomes objectification of female bodies rather than appreciation of females as human beings, it happened to me also.
I remember my brother's friends would tear parts of women's pictures out of playboy (the breasts, what else) and flash them around saying "this is the only part of a girl i care about." I don't mean to say it's wrong or anything, but I see how men's views of sexuality are kind of shallow and based around just getting their own rocks off. I'm not judging so much as just commenting on it.
I'm not judging you right now, just curious. Does it also feel that (gay) men immediately sexualize other men? Do you do that? Did you feel it was done to you?
Was talking to my partner now (he's a man, I'm not). Wondered if hearing straight men objectifying women when you're yourself not into women sounds a lot more jarring and unreasonable, precisely because you're in a way "sober" about women.
I'm not saying men don't have a huge damaging influence growing up, that a lot can only break with a lot of effort, but with your brother's friends it sounds also like a bunch of horny teenagers posturing to each other. Not ideal behavior and not always harmless, but far from making men emotionless hole-seeking creatures.
From my own experience, I've seen how gay men do objectify and immediately sexualize other men all the time. Yes it's a common thread. I'm guilty of it too. Honestly I think has less to do with sexual orientation and more to do with just being a male.
And BTW, I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm not into women, my first sexual experiences were hetero ones and I really enjoyed them. I still think about women as sexual partners. As I've gotten older I've become more appreciative of them as much deeper more sensitive partners than men usually are.
But that's not to say men are evil or terrible. I love everything about men, ok admittedly some of it attraction to their callousness or mischeviousness also. I think most guys have the experience of sexual knowledge shared as horny teenagers. I'm not condemning that just commenting about it. Frankly I enjoyed the sheer sexual energy of those experiences.
But I will concede that not all men are emotionless hole-seeking creatures. The truth is, men can be very sensitive and caring, but that's pretty rare from what I've seen. So if you have such a partner, congrats and don't take it for granted. It's a wonderful thing.
I can only speak for myself, but my partner contains multitudes of unfathomable joy, of which such a minor part is our very enjoyable sex life
I just wanna catch my off brand pokemon in peace.
That's all good too. Where do you find off brand pokemon? I want some.
Palworld. New game that came out.
Oh cool - I see it. DAMN, it's on Steam. Which means I'll never get to play it.
All the games I really want to play are on Steam, and steam won't run at all on my computer system. My only hope is that some of them, someday, get ported over to the Switch.
Damn I thought this was pasta at first. If not, it should be.
Ok I admit my ignorance, what is "pasta?" Because you might be right - I just don't know the term other than a kind of noodle.
They are referring to a copypasta. If you are unfamiliar with the term, they are random copy and pasted stories that usually don't have to do with the topic. Some popular ones were "holds up spork" or "something about a Navy seal and what the fuck did you say?" or "Undertaker and Mankind"
Oh okay, thanks for clarifying. No I wasn't familiar with the term, so that's a huge help.