this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2024
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It's not a direct answer to your question but it brings to mind an old experience:
Back when I broadly identified as male (didn't identify as not-male?) my lesbian friend once took me to a lesbian party. I reminded her I'm not a lesbian, or even a woman, but she said it was fine and dragged me along anyway. Looking back I kinda suspect she knew I wasn't really a man, even if I didn't yet. Anyway, towards the end of the night the host told me she'd been apprehensive when my friend asked if she could bring a guy, but she'd actually had a really nice time talking to me, and it made a lovely change to talk to a man who treated her like an equal and didn't try to hit on her.
I started to respond with something about having a lovely time too, but transitioned into "Wait, change? As in that happens all the time?" and the three women I was talking to just looked at me and nodded.
My mum has always been a very active feminist, so I didn't grow up with many illusions as to what women go through - how common sexual assault is, objectification and sexualisation, the glass ceiling in workplaces, all those common examples - but that exchange really put into perspective just how constant it is for women. That almost every single interaction with a man has those undertones reminding them of the danger, so that they can't let their guard down even around men who appear to be decent people. It's not just a threat lurking on the horizon, it's leering directly over their shoulder everywhere they go.
So basically yeah, they definitely worry about that shit, and if it hasn't happened to them it's happened to a friend.
Been typing and deleting this same post for a few hours now, thanks for putting it into words, I feel the exact same way. It sucks!
Damn. This is pretty much exactly how I feel too. I see and hear about this kind of awful shit men will do to people so much, and realize that most people I’ve interacted with in my life would probably think I would be like one of those people too. I could never fathom hurting someone in any of the ways described here, so seeing it’s so common makes me so fucking upset and angry. Makes me hate being a dude so damn much.