this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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Since I was a kid, I failed so hard at being a guy. I've always been hopeless at athletics. My body type has always been pretty meek (let me not doxx myself and say more). I hate any sort of competitive environment. I can't hold my liquor for shit. I have a very high pitched voice and an expressive way of talking. Friends have described my voice as a "gay twang". My mum probably assumed that I was gay from day one, as I got a lot of "it's OK to be gay" from her growing up. Sadly I had too much soy or not enough soy, because I grew up attracted to women.

Maybe you old comrades remember, but schools in the 90s were full of homophobia. "That's so gay" criticised any action that deviated from some masculine ideal. I got this multiple times a day, and I learned to stifle my personality to avoid the rebuke of my male non-friends. I'm not even complaining, there's so so many that had it way worse than I did.

Nowadays it's great being a flamboyant straight dude. I can be as sweet, as empathetic, and as expressive as I want. I have cute and colourful clothing. I get really ecstatic around animals. I cry. People like me for being fun and engaged with stuff. Nowadays if some guy colleague says that's "gay" it's like lea-huh "are you alright mate??"

I did go some LGBT events and actions in the past, but not a lot. If I do anything positive, it's to enforce no homophobic language with my students, which guys has gotten a lot easier in the past 20 years. Really, the kids nowadays are much better than we were. OK, I have hooked up with a few dudes here and there, but it feels like stolen valour to call myself bi.

So thanks a whole lot to all the queer people who have made my life much easier, when I've done so little.

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[–] marxisthayaca@hexbear.net 19 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

The amount of people who thought I was gay at my previous job because I didn't make obscene comments or passes at women coming to the department or my female coworkers, was so damn high. Like I straight up got asked if I was gay during a hangout once - this is despite there being a fucking sex pest the same year I started as a student worker, so it blew me away. My wife, on our first date, thought I was gay cause I complimented her nails and I was respectful. I just had no game. Which a) how fucking low is the bar for gayness. b) The fact, it was more accepted to be gay or queer at the time and I didn't have to worry that my shyness and lack of interest in shitting where I eat, into a reason for harassment and bullying. I am constantly blown away by that.

As a cis straight (like a 2 in the kinsey scale) dude, I am shocked that doing even the bare minimum around the house, for my wife, or my kids, will put me in the "he is not like other guys"; my wife has had so many comments from older women like "your husband is so different". Which can both, go to your head, and just make you depressed as hell - like lady, what the fuck is your experience and expectation of men? I am very thankful for gender theory and literature I've read about patriarchy and trying to be a better guy. I have a very lovely relationship with my children, that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.