this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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The amount of people who thought I was gay at my previous job because I didn't make obscene comments or passes at women coming to the department or my female coworkers, was so damn high. Like I straight up got asked if I was gay during a hangout once - this is despite there being a fucking sex pest the same year I started as a student worker, so it blew me away. My wife, on our first date, thought I was gay cause I complimented her nails and I was respectful. I just had no game. Which a) how fucking low is the bar for gayness. b) The fact, it was more accepted to be gay or queer at the time and I didn't have to worry that my shyness and lack of interest in shitting where I eat, into a reason for harassment and bullying. I am constantly blown away by that.
As a cis straight (like a 2 in the kinsey scale) dude, I am shocked that doing even the bare minimum around the house, for my wife, or my kids, will put me in the "he is not like other guys"; my wife has had so many comments from older women like "your husband is so different". Which can both, go to your head, and just make you depressed as hell - like lady, what the fuck is your experience and expectation of men? I am very thankful for gender theory and literature I've read about patriarchy and trying to be a better guy. I have a very lovely relationship with my children, that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.